Cupid's Playlist
by Darling Pretty
Summary: loverly addexness, because i'm not giving up my throne as queen of denial yet. besides, they are only the hottest couple in the history of tv. if you don't agree with me, then i suggest you don't read.
1. Wake Me Up

**WELCOME TO THE LAND OF DENIAL**

**population: me and you apparently**

**a/n: this idea just came to me while i was listening to music. it's a series of oneshots that aren't oneshots. does that make any sense at all? basically they exist in the same universe and there is a plot, but... okay, you know what? they're not oneshots, i just write them like they are. each chapter's based on a song whose lyrics are at the beginning of the chapter. pretty easy to understand right? okay. good. how about i let you read now? yeah, i think it's a good idea to.**

**-insert disclaimer of your choice-**

* * *

"_**Wake Me Up"**_

_**Norah Jones**_

_Wake me up when it's over,_

_Wake me up when it's done,_

_When he's gone away and taken everything,_

_Wake me up._

_Wake me up when the skies are clearing_

_When the water is still,_

_Cuz I will not watch the ships sail away so_

_Please say you will._

_If it were any other day,_

_This wouldn't get the best of me._

_But today I'm not so strong_

_So lay me down with a sad song_

_And when it stops then you know I've been_

_Gone too long._

_But don't shake me awake_

_Don't bend me or I will break_

_Find me somewhere between my dreams_

_With the sun on my face._

_I will still feel it later on_

* * *

She can't do this, not today. She can't face Derek and that intern. She can't even say her name. The woman who took her husband away. Normally, and this is something you have to understand, normally, she can deal with this. Ever since they started the divorce proceedings she's had to deal with Derek and _her_. And she can deal, she really can. But today is different. Today is special, and not in a good way.

Today would have been her and Derek's twelfth anniversary.

See, told you she can't deal. But she will go in to work anyways, because she said she would and she enjoys rubbing salt in her wounds. Really, she does. It would explain Mark, at least the second time around.

She has to go in, right? She can't just… not go in. She said she would. And she will, but honestly, all she wants to do is curl up and sleep for, maybe, _ever_. But she won't. She will go in and she will not burst into tears. At least not in public.

She takes extra pains today on her appearance. At least she can look flawless on the outside, even when she's a mess internally. Besides, she knows that _she'll_ be in scrubs, and honestly, she can't resist the chance to remind Derek of what he's missing. So she chooses her most subtly sexy outfit and she makes sure that her hair and makeup are perfection. And then she's ready.

She can do this, she really can. She strides into the hospital, chin up. No one's going to know that today is any different. She passes _her_ and Christina and she can feel them eyeing her warily. "See, _how_ am I supposed to compete with _that_?" _she _whines. She smirks, it's good to know that the twelve-year-old has self esteem issues. Have fun with _that_, Derek.

Later on, she's looking over some charts at a nurses' station. "Nice outfit," Mark says from behind her and she turns around with a roll of her eyes. "I like the nearly hidden slit in the skirt."

"Go away, Mark," she groans, because she really can't deal with the almost sexual harassment, not today. "And if you won't, please just tell me what you want so that I can help you and then you can leave."

"Relax, Addie, I just wanted to see how you were doing today." He puts emphasis on today.

"You never ask me that. Why would you ask me that?" Addison asks, because she is determined that no one will know that today is different from any other day.

"Because today's you and Derek's anniversary."

She's impressed, but she doesn't want to admit it. "It is?" She pretends that she didn't spend half an hour in bed contemplating not getting up because of the day. "So you can remember me and Derek's anniversary, but you can't remember your own mother's birthday?" she asks, referring to the fact that every year he always gets a call from his father two days after his mother's birthday, asking if he's planning on sending a present or maybe even showing up. He always opts for the first option.

"It's an important day. Or was, I guess."

"You know, Mark, I'm fine. I'm great. You know what would make me even better? If you turned around and walked forward."

"Ow."

"Mark, please. Just… not today. Not today."

For once in his life, it seems Mark has just a hint of compassion and walks away.

When he's gone another voice from behind her says, "I'd say 'happy anniversary', but I'm not required to anymore."

"Derek. Seriously. Just go away."

"Why? Are you sad? Actually regretting sleeping with Mark?"

"I think we've been through this a couple of times."

"So what are you doing later? Me and Meredith are going out to dinner." She nearly flinches at the sound of _her _name, but she contains herself. Is it just her or is Derek in a particularly malevolent mood today?

"Good for you. Have fun." And with that she pushes past him and runs to an on call room, because she said she wouldn't cry in public. She said nothing about on call rooms.

It's dark in the room and she barely closes and locks the door before she starts crying. She doesn't notice the lump in the top bunk until it sits up and asks, "Dr. Montgomery?"

"Oh, ah, Karev, ah, hi, um, yeah, um, I'm sorry, I'll just… I'll go now."

"What's wrong?" Alex asks as he hops down from the bed, because he's noticed the tear tracks on her face.

"Nothing's wrong, I-I'm fine," Addison replies, pretending that she's not still having issues breathing.

"You were just crying."

"Uh… ah…" She can't decide what to say. "I, uh, I…"

"Why?"

"I… ah… I… it's nothing."

"It's something."

"It's nothing."

"If it's something to you then it's not nothing. Come on, tell me. Maybe I can help."

She decides that she can trust him, for some reason he seems like he actually cares. "Today would have been me and Derek's twelfth anniversary," she tells him. "And Derek said something and… I don't know, I just want to crawl under my covers and never come out, you know? Of course you wouldn't know, you've never been married. I'm sorry that, that sounded mean. I just, I don't get how you're supposed to help me or whatever. You can't possibly know what this feels like."

"You're right, I don't."

"It's just like it hurts and I can't make it stop and Derek seems like he's intent on making it even worse and I just can't do this."

"Then don't."

"Wha- Alex, what _are_ you talking about?" She's so caught up in what he's saying that she doesn't realize that she just called him by his first name.

"Take the day off. The Chief'll understand."

"No. No, I can't. Because then Derek will know he won and he can't win. Because if he wins then she wins and she's already got my husband, she can't win too." Addison tears up again.

"No one said anything about competing," Alex points out.

"Doesn't matter." She shakes her head. "We are. And I'm losing." She continues to shake her head and her tears make an encore appearance.

Alex looks uncomfortable, but wraps his arms around her, because it seems like that's what she needs. She stiffens for a moment, but then just lets go and lets herself melt into his arms. They stay like that for a good five minutes, until she pulls away. "You're exhausted," he says. "Stay here and sleep or avoid Shepherd or whatever."

"But-"

"Addison, seriously. Stay," he orders, guiding her to the bed. He doesn't seem to notice that he just called her by her first name, but she does. "Sleep. You don't have a surgery for awhile. I'll come get you or I'll page you. I'll wake you up somehow."

She considers saying no, but she really is tired and she doesn't want to face Derek again. "Okay," she agrees. "Hey, Alex? Thanks. For everything."

"No problem. Get some sleep." He turns and walks out of the room. She lies down and closes her eyes. She'll deal with everything later. For now, she's going to sleep.

* * *

**want to tell me what you think about it?**

**-Juliana**


	2. Until The End

**a/n: so here i am. again. thanks so much for all the reviews, they made me feel all fuzzy inside! oh and about the song, i really only chose it because of the last part of it, but you know, whatever. the chapter's not particularly mcdreamy sympathetic, but it's not like i totally destroy him, so... yeah. you know what? just go read the story.**

**-insert disclaimer of your choice here-**

* * *

"_**Until The End"**_

_**Norah Jones**_

_You've got a famous last name_

_But you're not to blame_

_Baby I see you for who you are_

_A one-time apple queen_

_And a one-time tramp_

_And an old-time movie star_

_You're a shell picker_

_Of the pickiest kind_

_But you always find the ones to keep_

_And in or out of bed_

_You keep your head wide open_

'_Cuz you don't only dream when you're asleep_

_Like a child… you remember_

_But I forget… all my dreams_

_I used to think_

_That someday I'd relax a little_

_And be more like you_

_Then I realized_

_How silly that thought was_

_Needed to stand in my own shoes_

_And from over here_

_I can see you cry_

_Don't even try… to pretend_

'_Cuz he's hurt you_

_So many times_

_Baby don't go back again_

_Like a child, you forget_

_But I remember everything…_

_And every sting_

_And through all the games_

_We'll both stay the same_

_As we've always been_

_Through the fat and thin_

_Until the end_

* * *

It's been weeks since the divorce was finally finalized. Addison and Alex have slowly been building a tentative friendship. They seem to get each other and that's really all they need. 

Addison has never let anyone else see her has vulnerable as she's let Alex see her. But she figures that he's already seen her cry and to her, it doesn't get much worse than that. He's never been able to let anyone get close to him, but she's succeeded in it. If anyone asked who his closest friend was, he would say her. Well, he would probably _say_ Izzie, but he'd mean her.

They have their moments when they'll stop laughing and suddenly go quiet and the tension could be cut with a knife. But they never act on it, after all, she just got divorced a couple of weeks ago, and even if her husband has obviously moved on, she can't say the same. She wants to move on, but eleven years of marriage don't just disappear without a trace. He's starting to understand that, and that's why he's able to not lean in during those moments.

Then, one cloudy, nondescript Tuesday morning, something changes.

Alex is waiting for her in front of the hospital with a cup of coffee from Starbucks in hand, something he's gotten used to doing. She's tried to pay him back on multiple occasions, but he won't hear of it. "One vanilla latte," he announces as he offers the cup to her.

She takes the cup of fantastic liquid and holds it to her nose. "Mmm," she hums as she inhales the scent. She looks up and smiles at him. "Thank you," she says.

"Want to grab something to eat after work?" he asks as they walk to the elevator. They've done something nearly every night since the on call room. It's quickly becoming routine.

"Sure," she answers. "You know what sounds really, really good?"

"What?"

"Pizza. A big, disgustingly greasy slice of pepperoni pizza. That's what sounds good."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"You. You, Addison Forbes Montgomery, want a piece of pizza."

"A big, disgustingly greasy slice of pizza," she corrects him.

"Pizza?" he asks skeptically as they step onto the elevator.

"Am I not allowed to want pizza for some unexplained reason?"

"You just don't seem like a pizza sort of person."

"For your information, I happen to love pizza. Is there anything else that I'm not allowed to want because of the sort of person I am? Like, I don't know, deep fried Twinkies or something?"

"You like deep fried Twinkies?"

"Have you ever had one of those things? They're disgusting! Now deep fried Oreos… that's a different story."

"Deep fried Oreos? That sounds disgusting."

"Oh my God, _so_ good. That's it, I'm taking you to the fair so you can get one."

"Oh boy," Alex says sarcastically. "Can't wait."

"I bet you end up loving them," Addison replies as they get off the elevator. Or at least as they try to get off the elevator. Their progress is impeded by Derek and Meredith arguing and not paying the least bit attention to the fact that they're blocking the elevator.

"Meredith, she was my wife for eleven years. I can't just stop caring about her," Derek hisses, not noticing Addison standing there. "I loved her for too long. I want to keep her protected, it's natural."

"I get that, I really do. But you're not being the overprotective ex-husband anymore, Derek," Meredith snaps. "You're being the jealous ex-husband that still loves his ex-wife and is leading on his current girlfriend. So you need to make up your mind. Her or me."

"I'm not being the jealous ex-husband," Derek says.

"Oh, come on, Derek, you flip out any time you see her with Alex. Like your afraid he's going to take your property or something! You still love her." Derek doesn't say anything. "So you've got to choose. Her or me."

Addison looks like she wants to sink into the floorboards. Alex sees this and clears his throat, hoping it will cause Derek and Meredith to look up and notice them standing there. It doesn't work. Derek seems to snap. "I chose you, Meredith! I got divorced so that we could be together. I'm not choosing anymore!" he yells.

"Then you don't choose me. Bye, Derek. Good luck trying to get her back," Meredith shouts back and storms off.

Derek finally looks over and sees Alex and Addison standing there. "Dr. Karev, can I have a word with my wife please?" he asks politely.

"Ex-wife," Addison points out. "We aren't married anymore."

Alex looks over at Addison, trying to see what she wants him to do. She nods slightly. "Okay," he agrees and tries to walk off, but Addison's in his way. They do the back and forth thing a couple times until he places his hands on her waist and spins them around 180 degrees. His hands linger a second longer than they should and the contact makes a chill run up Addison's spine and she smiles at him. Derek looks slightly murderous.

"What is up with you and that intern?" he snaps when Alex is out of hearing.

"Not that it's any of your business," Addison replies coldly, "We're friends."

"Friends, right," Derek says skeptically.

"You don't think we are?" Addison asks.

"I don't know what to think anymore," Derek answers earnestly. "Addie, I miss you."

"I, uh, I-" She can't find a single thing to say.

"I'm assuming you heard me and Meredith."

"Uh-huh."

"She's right, you know. I do still love you. Addie, I'm an idiot."

"Derek what are you- what are you talking about?" Addison sputters.

"Addie, I shouldn't have signed the papers. I want you back. I want you. I love _you_."

"Derek, I-"

"Give me a second chance, Addie, please?"

"Derek, I- I can't just- I don't-"

"Please, Addie," Derek begs. If this were two weeks ago Addison would have said yes back at the first I want you. But it's not. Now she's got more self control. Now she actually needs to think about this decision.

"Derek, I don't know. I… I just need some time okay? Just give me that."

"Whatever you want Addie. Anything. I'm going to go now." He kisses her cheek and says, "I love you."

Then he walks away, leaving Addison alone with a very big decision.

0ooo0

For the entire day Addison has been mulling over Derek's words and trying to figure out what she's going to do. Memories of years gone by, from eleven years ago. Back when she and Derek were newly-weds, happy. Back when Mark was just a friend, back when the name Meredith meant nothing to her. What she wouldn't give to have that again.

At the end of the day she's so wrapped up in her flashbacks that she nearly screams when Alex asks her if she's ready to go. "Go? Go where?" she asks once her heart stops pounding in her chest. It actually doesn't go down all the way to normal, it spikes back up when she notices the proximity of Alex, but it gets back down to where she can function pretty normally.

"Remember? Food? Pizza? Dinner?"

"Oh. Right. Yeah."

"You forgot."

"Just a little," she admits. "But I'm ready, yeah. Sure. Okay. Let's go."

"You're in scrubs," Alex points out.

Addison looks down. "Oh. Yeah. I am. Uh, let me go change I guess. Be back."

She runs and changes back into her regular clothes. Then she returns to Alex. "Have you seen my glasses?" she inquires.

"Yeah. They're on your face."

She reaches up and touches her face, and so they are. "Oh."

"You're really out of it," he comments. "What's up?"

"Nothing. Nothing's up."

"Liar," he says. "Come on, what's up?"

"It's just Derek, he said something and it threw me."

"What'd he say?" Alex knows that he's probably pushing it, but he also knows that she'll eventually tell him.

"He said… he said that he was still in love with me," she blurts. "He wants me to give him another chance."

Alex's face darkens. "Oh. What are you going to do?"

"He was my husband for eleven years. And we were friends for fifteen. I can't just let that history go to waste, can I? Plus, he's never really done anything to ruin his chances."

"Do you remember how just a couple of weeks ago you were crying in an on call room because of him? Isn't that enough?"

"That wasn't really because of him…"

"Okay, how about how he slept with another woman while you were in the same building?"

"I slept with his best friend," Addison points out.

"How about pretending to be married to you while he lusted after another woman? Or how he ignored you back in New York, just expecting you to still be there for him?"

"Just what are you saying?"

"I'm just saying, he's hurt you a lot more than you seem to be willing to remember. And he's going to do it again."

"You don't know that," Addison protests.

"I think I do. Just remember that I'll be here, once he's hurt you and you need someone to talk to, okay?" And then he turns and walks away.

0ooo0

Addison walks around in search of Derek, to inform him of her decision. She finally finds him but when she looks at him, all she can hear are Alex's words from the night before. "Derek, I was thinking about this all night," she informs him. She opens her mouth to say that he can have a second chance, but Alex's voice echoes in her head. "I can't do it. I'm sorry." And then she turns and flees the scene.

0ooo0

She finds Alex in the cafeteria, eating with his fellow interns. She stands over him. "Can I talk to you?" she asks.

He looks at her and says, "Sure. Go ahead."

"Privately?"

"I'm sure whatever you have to say can be said in front of them," he answers. "Unless it's about how much you want me, and then I think we may have to go find an on call room," he continues cheekily with a grin, letting her know that he's not mad at her, merely being difficult.

"Fine. I just wanted you to know that I didn't do it." And then she turns around and strides off.

"What was that all about?" Izzie asks. "Alex? Hello?" Izzie waves her hand in front of his grinning face.

"Evil Spawn's in love with Satan, that's what that was all about," Christina says.

That seems to snap Alex out of his reverie. "I'm not in love with her," he says. "I'm proud of her."

Everyone looks at him. "Huh?" Izzie says, voicing everyone's unspoken question. But Alex doesn't answer, he just gets up and leaves, taking his goofy grin with him.

* * *

**there are such things as deep fried oreos, they sell them at the california state fair and you nearly keel over and have a heart attack after one bite. but still, SO good. you know what's even bettter? chocolate covered oreos... seriously AMAZING. but the best of everything? reviews. mcseriously (a word me and my friend coined by absolute accident).**

**next song on the playlist: "Bewitched" by Steve Lawrence**

**-Juliana**


	3. Bewitched

**a/n: so the chapter's kind of OOC, but you know what? that's the brilliance behind it. i could go into so much detail about alex makes addison not act like herself and analyze what all of that means (honors english will do that to you) but i'm not going to, because you should read it for yourself and come up with your own ideas.**

**(insert disclaimer of your choice here)**

* * *

"_**Bewitched"**_

_**Steve Lawrence**_

_Bewitched, bewitched,_

_You've got me in your spell,_

_Bewitched, bewitched,_

_You know your craft so well,_

_Before I knew what you were doing,_

_I looked in your eyes,_

_That brand of woo that you've been brewing_

_Took me by surprise._

_You witch, you witch,_

_One thing is for sure,_

_That stuff that you pitch,_

_Just hasn't got a cure,_

_My heart was under lock and key,_

_But somehow it got unhitched,_

_I never thought my heart could be had,_

_But now I'm caught and I'm kinda glad,_

_To be, to be bewitched._

_Bewitched, bewitched,_

_My heart was under lock and key_

_But somehow it got unhitched,_

_I never thought my heart could be had,_

_But now I'm caught and I'm kinda glad,_

_That you, you do,_

_That crazy voodoo,_

_And I'm bewitched by you._

* * *

"So…" Addison begins as she approaches Alex and leans on the nurses' station. "The state fair starts next week. And you know what that means." 

Alex looks confused. Then he remembers her words from the previous week. "Deep fried Oreos," he sighs.

"Don't sound too excited," Addison pouts, "Someone might actually mistake you for being happy about it."

"Do I really have to get a deep fried Oreo?" Alex groans.

"Yes," Addison says decidedly. "That's what the whole expedition is about. It's the whole reason behind the trip."

"We can't just go to the fair for no reason?"

"No. You can go to the fair for no reason, and I can go to the fair for no reason, but _we_ cannot go to the fair for no reason."

"And through what messed up logic does that reasoning make sense?"

"Well, because if we just went for no apparent reason, it would be like a date. Which it's not. Right?"

Alex wants to say wrong, but he figures he should probably agree. "Right." Addison finds herself almost wishing that he had disagreed with her.

"So see, this way, it's a mission, not a date."

"No, it's you forcing me to do something."

"I don't have a gun pointed at your head," Addison points out.

"Yeah, but see, if I don't, then you're going to give me that look and then I'll say yes just to get the look off of your face. So really I'm just getting ahead of the game."

"What look?" she scoffs, because as far as she knows, she has no look.

"The look where you look about ready to cry."

"I don't have a look."

"You have a look."

"I do not."

"You do too."

"I do not!"

"You do. Ask Shepherd or Sloan, they'll tell you the same thing I'm telling you, only they won't be so nice about it."

"I'd rather not."

"You just don't want to admit that I'm right."

"I have a surgery, I'll talk to you later," Addison says, effectively avoiding having to answer to his accusation.

0ooo0

The day they are scheduled to go to the fair, a day off for both of them amazingly enough, Alex gets a call at 8 o'clock in the morning that wakes him up from a very pleasant dream involving him, Addison, and an incredibly comfortable bed among other things. "What?" he snaps into the phone.

"Look outside," Addison's voice orders him, shaking the haze of sleep off of him effectively.

"_What?_" Alex asks, confused. "You called me at eight o'clock in the fricking morning to tell me to look outside my window? What the hell?"

"Just do it. Get your lazy ass out of bed and go open the curtains."

"Why? So that I can find out that it's raining as usual?" he grumbles as he throws the covers off.

"Do it for me," she pleads. Well, he'll do nearly anything for her, so he walks over to the window and opens the blinds to a brilliantly sunny day. "Wow," he comments as he shields his eyes.

"Isn't it beautiful?" she asks, almost breathless. The thing that amazes him about Addison is that somehow she has managed to retain an almost childlike enthusiasm for life. "I missed the sun. We should leave earlier and take advantage of the sunshine."

"Why not?" he asks rhetorically. _Whatever it takes to make her happy_, he thinks. And then once he's gotten over the shock that he thought something like that, he pretends that he didn't. "I'll pick you up in half an hour."

0ooo0

They walk around the fair for four hours, not realizing how quickly the time passes. Suddenly it's one thirty and Addison decides that she's hungry. "I'm getting ice cream," she announces.

Alex glances down at his watch and notices that it's lunch time. "What about lunch?"

"I'm getting ice cream," she insists stubbornly. "Now you can either join me or you can go get a deep fried Oreo. Take your pick." She looks rather amused as he glares at her. She's been kind of bossing him around all day, not because she means to, but because Alex is so far gone that anything she tells him to do, he'll do. He doesn't like admitting it to himself, but he's been struggling with it all day and he's finally just accepted it.

"Ice cream," he says. They walk to a stall selling ice cream cones, mint chip for her, rocky road for him. She licks hers, not realizing that in the process she managed to stick her nose into her ice cream and that she now has a dab of mint chip ice cream on it. "Hey, hold still," he orders and she obeys. "You've got ice cream on your nose," he explains as he gently wipes at the ice cream. She looks at him and he smiles that little half smile of his, and she smiles back, a genuine smile that reaches her eyes. She feels like she should look away but she just can't make herself.

"Uh… thanks," she mutters, not breaking eye contact.

"No problem," he replies. His eyes seem to be searching for something in her face, but she's not exactly sure what. Her mouth is suddenly very dry and she can't seem to stop biting her bottom lip. He looks like he's about to reach up and touch her face when a very impatient ten-year-old careens into Addison from behind, forcing him to reach out and catch her. She giggles as the adrenaline courses through her. "See, you're falling for me already," he jokes and she laughs again. She looks down and cries out in dismay when she sees her ice cream cone trodden upon by the masses. "I'll get you a new one," Alex offers and steps away from her. She nearly sighs as he removes his hands from her waist, but she has some self-control and keeps herself quiet.

"You don't have to do that," she says.

"I want to," he insists.

"But-"

"Addison, it's just an ice cream cone, not an engagement ring or a diamond necklace or anything. Chill."

She figures he's right, so she does as he tells her. She chills.

0ooo0

It's about nine o'clock at night. They managed to get through the day without too many more little "episodes" and now they're sitting on a blanket watching fireworks. "Isn't it beautiful?" Addison asks, looking up at the display.

Alex isn't looking up at the sky, he's looking at a certain earthbound redhead sitting next to him. "Yeah, it is."

She looks over and smiles at him. "I had fun today," she says as she fiddles with the radio that she thought to bring just for this purpose. She finds a station that she likes and smiles as Steve Lawrence's voice fills the silence.

"Me too," Alex agrees.

They sit in silence, sneaking glances at the other, as Steve Lawrence croons. The last verse Addison looks over and Alex is looking at her. They move a little closer, as if they were opposite polarities. Then, just as Steve sings his last line, "_And I'm bewitched by you",_ Alex reaches up and touches her cheek, gently moving her face towards his. Then he kisses her as the fireworks explode in the sky.

* * *

**what'd you think?**

**oh and if you have any songs that you think would make good chapters, send me the name and the artist so i can get the lyrics and hopefully write something off of them**

**next up: "As Lovers Go" by Dashboard Confessional**


	4. As Lovers Go

**so this is kind of my last chapter for at least a little while, because of that pesky labor day weekend. my family's going on vacation and i'm not going to be able to write or update until tuesday, and then i won't have anything written to update anyways. so i would love to come back and see what you thought.**

**-insert disclaimer of your choice here-**

* * *

"_**As Lovers Go"**_

_**Dashboard Confessional**_

_She said, "I've got to be honest, you're wasting your time if you're fishin' around here."  
And I said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not foolin' this feelin' is real."  
She said, "You've got to be crazy! What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?"_

"No, you've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong."  
I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier, I'll be yours my dear,  
I'll belong to you if you just let me through.

This is easy as lovers go so dont complicate it by hesitating.  
This is wonderful as loving goes.  
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?

I said, "I've got to be honest, I've been waiting for you all my life."  
For so long I thought I was asylum bound, but just seeing you makes me think twice.  
And being with you here makes me sane. I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.

"You've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion,  
but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"

* * *

Addison is exhausted. She stayed up all night tossing and turning and trying to analyze what he could have possibly meant by that kiss, because God knows nothing can be easy for her. She's managed to avoid Alex by coming in late and avoiding any place he might be. So essentially she's been hiding out in on call rooms and the bathroom all day, except when it is absolutely necessary for her to come out.

She's going to get coffee when she sees Callie standing and looking at a chart. Addison hurries up, grabs her arm, and drags her into a supply closet. Callie looks perplexed. "What the he-" she starts, but is cut off.

"I kissed Karev. Actually, he kissed me. But I kissed him back and now I have no idea what's going on and Callie, what do I do?!"

"What do you, what do you do? He kissed you. You go kiss him now."

"But-"

"Oh come on. You know you wanted to. There must have been something, the way you two have been acting for the last month. Fireworks or grand operas or something."

Addison thinks back to the night before. "There were definite fireworks," she agrees. She doesn't mention that she means that literally, but she figures that it's okay.

"There's your answer."

"But Callie…" Addison trails off.

"What? What could you possibly find wrong with my reasoning?"

"Remember what he did to Izzie Stevens?"

"Yeah. So? If you ask me, she deserved it."

"You hate her; of course you think she deserved it. But you don't think I deserve it, do you? What if he does it to me? Or what if he just wants to get laid?"

"Addison," Callie starts, but Addison's off in her own little world.

"Or what if he has some bet with Meredith or Izzie or even Sloan or something? Or what if-"

"You're crazy," Callie announces. "I'm not listening to you anymore." She walks out of the room.

"ARGH!!" Addison nearly yells in frustration. Then she follows Callie. "That's not helpful!" she hisses.

"Well, you clearly refuse to see sense, so I'm not helping by being the rational one."

"What should I do?" Addison begs.

"Do what you want, Addison, not what I tell you."

"Callie…"

"Personally, I'd go for it. But he's an intern and you're an attending. If you've got a problem with it, then I don't think that's the right thing to do," Callie advises and walks away.

"ARGH!!" Addison sighs again, and bangs her head with the chart that's conveniently placed in her hands at exactly the right moment.

"Do you make a habit of banging your head with all the charts, or is this just a special case?" a voice that she knows far too well asks.

"Not now, Alex," she says. "I have to…" She searches for something that she needs to do. "Go," she finishes lamely.

"But-" he starts to protest, but finds himself talking to her retreating figure.

0ooo0

Later in the day, after extensive searching, Alex finds her again. He approaches her from behind, figuring she'll have less time to run if he takes her by surprise. He taps her shoulder and watches as she turns around. Her face goes from shocked, to nervous, and finally settles on a neutral mask. "Come on," he says, "We need to talk."

"Karev, not now," she replies.

"Yes now, you've got time," he contradicts her.

It looks like she's not getting out of this one when her pager goes off. "No I don't," she says. "I'll talk to you later." Then she runs.

"No you won't," he mutters under his breath.

0ooo0

Finally, at the end of the day, he manages to get on the same elevator as her. Slowly people trickle off until it's just the two of them. "We need to talk," he tells her.

She turns to face him. "I- Alex- I-" she stutters, searching for the right words and not finding them.

"What are you so afraid of?" he inquires.

"A-afraid? I'm not afraid of anything," she insists.

"You're obviously afraid of something. You've been avoiding me all day."

"I- I…"

"Addison," he says. There's something in his voice that's urging her to talk.

"I- I don't want to get hurt again." She doesn't look at him when she says this, she stares at the floor.

"I don't want to hurt you," he replies.

"But I don't know that. For all I know, you could just be using me to get laid or to tell your friends that you had sex with me."

"Addison, have I ever acted like I just wanted to get into your pants?" he asks. "Don't answer that. Look, just one date. That's all I want. One date. If it doesn't go well or if you think that I'm using you in any way, we can forget it ever happened and go back to being friends. I know you know that we have _something_. Don't you want to see where it could go?"

"Just one date?"

"One date, no strings attached until you want there to be."

"One date. I can do one date," she agrees as the elevator door slide open.

"Tomorrow night?"

"Tomorrow night," she consents.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he says and reaches up and touches her face. The gesture is so gentle and sweet that she closes her eyes and leans into his touch. He leans in and tenderly kisses her lips. "Sweet dreams."

He leaves her and she is so lost in thought that she forgets to get off the elevator and has to ride up to the top of the hospital and back down again, but she doesn't care. Five minutes ago it would have annoyed her, but now? Now she can take anything that comes at her.

* * *

**next up: "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story, just because I can.**


	5. I Feel Pretty

**here you go, one new chapter.**

**-insert disclaimer of your choice here-**

* * *

"_**I Feel Pretty"**_

_**Natalie Wood- West Side Story**_

_I feel pretty_

_Oh so pretty_

_I feel pretty and witty and gay_

_And I pity_

_Any girl who isn't me today_

_I feel charming_

_Oh so charming_

_It's alarming how charming I feel_

_And so pretty_

_That I hardly can believe I'm real_

_See that pretty girl in that mirror there?_

_Who can that attractive girl be?_

_Such a pretty face_

_Such a pretty dress_

_Such a pretty smile_

_Such a pretty me!_

_I feel stunning_

_And entrancing_

_Feel like running and dancing for joy_

_For I'm loved_

_By a pretty wonderful boy_

* * *

Addison feels good. For the first time in a long time, she feels loved and wanted and, above all, happy.

She hums to herself as she walks into the hospital and steps onto the elevator. Derek steps on behind her and pointedly ignores her. At first it doesn't bother her, but after a minute of silence, it puts a serious damper on her good mood. "Oh, come off it, Derek," she finally snaps. "Go apologize to Meredith and go back to being sickeningly happy."

"I don't want to apologize to Meredith," Derek protests. "I want-" he continues but is cut off.

"Me," Addison finishes. "Yeah, I heard you yesterday and the day before that and in all your emails and in your voicemails. Seriously, Derek, I've stopped picking up my phone when I see that it's you calling me. I want you to leave me alone. I _need_ you to leave me alone. If you don't, then I'll never fully get over you and I'm sorry if this hurts to hear, but I really need to get over you."

"Addie-" Derek starts, but is once again cut off by Addison.

"Derek, I'm happy now. Can't you just let me be happy?"

"I _do _want you happy, Addie," Derek insists. "I want you happy more than I want anything else."

"Then just let me move on, Derek, _please_. You're making this so much more painful than it needs to be."

"But-"

"Derek, I love you, and part of me always will, but I've moved on. I really wish you would too," she says as the elevator doors slide open with a whoosh. "If you want my opinion, you should apologize to Meredith. Go back to being happy, Derek." She smiles sadly at him and walks off the elevator before he can reply.

0ooo0

She's standing at a nurse's station, listening to all the gossip swirling around her. Her 'explosion' in the elevator has already flown through the hospital, her punishment for showing any emotion on hospital property. Half the people around her are standing around, not so subtly watching her, waiting for her to explode again, since to them, her explosions come in twos and threes.

She feels a slight tug at her lab coat, but when she turns around, no one is there. It's another fifteen minutes before she randomly reaches into her pockets. She's a little confused when she pulls out a scrap of paper that she's sure wasn't there earlier. Curious, she opens it up,

"_Heard what you did earlier," _it reads, _"Nice job. I'm proud of you. –A_

_P.S. I'm on call tonight, but I'll still see you at 8."_

She smiles as she reads the note, her good mood restored. The mood continues to buoy her all day, even when she finds out what intern she'll be working with today. "Dr. Grey," she greets said intern, smiling.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shep-" Meredith catches her mistake before the whole word is out, but prepares herself for the storm. "Dr. Montgomery," she hastily corrects herself. She looks like she'd rather be in Antarctica in nothing but a swimsuit if it meant that she wouldn't be here.

"Dr. Grey, I have a c-section coming soon, if you want in. It's not exactly mind blowing, but surgery is surgery, right?"

"Uh…" Meredith stutters. Truth be told, she terrified of the redheaded attending, but as said redheaded attending pointed out, surgery is surgery. "Thanks. Yeah. I mean sure."

As they scrub in, Addison turns to Meredith. "Talk to Derek lately?" she asks.

"Uh… no…" Meredith answers warily. For once, Meredith, usually a fountain of information and gossip, is out of the loop, due to a very late morning and an comedic episode including a traffic jam and a duck (of course, it wasn't funny at the time). Meredith is absolutely petrified that Addison took Derek back and has decided to rub it into his ex-girlfriend's face. Husband and wife reunited after the big, bad Meredith tried to split them up, that kind of thing.

"Oh…" Addison says. "Well, you should. Make him talk to you. But do what, you know, you want." Addison would be a lot more comfortable talking to her if she'd answer in more than words with one syllable. She's trying to have a decent, civilized conversation (she's not stupid, she knows that Meredith and Alex are friends), as well as reunite Derek and Meredith, but Meredith is making it really hard to even start.

"Wait, why?" Meredith asks.

Addison holds back a sigh. There's that annoying one syllable word thing again. "Just a feeling," she says cryptically and walks into her O.R.

"What just happened?" Meredith asks the empty room. The empty room is no help and can't answer her question.

0ooo0

"Does anyone else think that something's seriously wrong with Satan?" Meredith asks as she drops her tray on the table where all of Bailey's interns are sitting. Alex wants to yell at her, tell her to stop calling Addison Satan, that she's the farthest thing from Satan, but he holds his tongue.

"So it wasn't just me!" Izzie exclaims, taking a bite of her chocolate pudding. "I ran into her in the bathroom today and she was humming. And you know what she was humming?"

"No, you haven't told us yet," Christina replies sarcastically.

"'I Feel Pretty'!" Izzie announces, but gets only blank stares. "From _West Side Story_? Ever heard of it?" Meredith nods but everyone else continues to stare at her. "Okay, so no… it's the song Maria sings when she's waiting for Tony to show up at her work and it's basically all about how she's crazy in love," she explains. Alex feels a grin starting to form on his face, but he tamps it down and twists it into his normal smirk.

"Montgomery?" Christina asks. "Addison freaking Forbes Montgomery?"

"My ears do not lie. She was humming 'I Feel Pretty'."

"I wonder what's up with her," Meredith says.

"Maybe she's pregnant," Christina speculates. Alex nearly bursts out laughing, but covers it up by pretending to choke. Everyone stares at him to make sure that he's okay and then continues their guesswork.

"Wouldn't that entail a boyfriend?" Meredith points.

"Maybe she and McDreamy did the McNasty," Christina says.

"They didn't," Alex says confidently.

"How would you know?" Christina challenges him.

"I just do," Alex replies easily. "Hey Iz, can I talk to you for a second? Like, alone?"

"Sure," Izzie agrees suspiciously. "What's up?" she asks as they walk away.

"Look, I need your help with something. But you can't ask questions."

"Do I get to know what I'm helping with?"

"Look, all you need to know is that I've got a date tonight and I need you to go get these things," he says, handing her a list. "You get off earlier than I do. Can you?"

Normally Izzie would have held out until she at least got the name of the girl, but he looks so different this time, so hopeful, that she doesn't have the heart. "Okay. Are you ever going to tell me?"

"Maybe. If it goes well."

"Okay."

0ooo0

"So, I've got a surprise for you," Alex says, sneaking up behind Addison and making her jump.

Flustered, she turns around, and smiles when she sees it's him. "Surprise, huh? Should I be scared?"

"Maybe… if you've got a fear of blindfolds."

"Huh?" she asks. She gets it as he pulls out a blindfold. "Uh-uh," she refuses. "You are not blindfolding me."

"Just put it on," he orders.

"But what if I walk straight in front of a car?" she protests.

"I'll be guiding you. You're not going to walk straight in front of a car. Trust me." She considers this and she does trust him. The fact that he's going to be with her the whole time makes her feel safe, so she puts the blindfold on.

He actually doesn't lead her out of the front doors, but through the doors of the elevator, which he promptly closes before anyone else can get on and question why he's got the redheaded attending blindfolded. They reach the top floor and he leads her to the flight of stairs that lead to the roof. "I'm picking you up, don't freak out," he warns her. Then he does and carries her up the stairs and out onto the roof. Earlier he had a minute to himself and with the help of Izzie set up a picnic, complete with candles and a small tent for shelter (just in case the weather worked against him, which it wasn't).

Gently, he sets her down and removes her blindfold. She gasps as she surveys the scene. "Oh my God, Alex."

"What? It's just a picnic," he says modestly.

"Oh my God."

"What?"

"That… no one's ever… I can't believe you went through all this trouble!" she stumbles as she tears up. "Thank you!" As she says this, she turns and kisses him.

"I'll do it again, if that's what I get," he smirks when he pulls away.

An hour later, the food is all gone, the candles are burnt out, and Addison is sitting contentedly in Alex's lap, gazing up at the stars that decided to bless them with their presence. "It's so beautiful," she sighs, snuggling back into his embrace.

"I can think of something even more beautiful."

"Liar. There is nothing more beautiful than the stars."

"Yeah there is," he argues.

"Oh yeah, what?" she challenges.

"You are," he informs her, as if he was telling her hair is red. "It's corny, but it's true."

She laughs, both at how corny he can be and the absurdity of the statement. "I am not prettier than the stars. Nothing is."

"You are," he insists, toying with a strand of her hair.

"Shut up," she says and kisses him. The kiss heats up, feelings that have been pent up and shoved away coming out and showing themselves. Addison slides off of his lap and lays back, pulling on top of her. He reaches for the buttons on her shirts, but hesitates. "What?" she pants.

"I don't want you to think I'm using you, Addie."

"Believe me, I don't think you're using me."

"Yeah, but I usually start these things out with sex and then I screw up. And I really don't want to screw up. Can we take things slow?"

Addison was about to tell him that he was going to screw her, not up, but then he asks to take things slow, which she has never come out of a man's mouth before. "Okay," she agrees as she sits up and straightens her hair and skirt. _It's better this way_, she thinks, _maybe he's actually the One. I did not just think that. _"But does that mean I can't do this?" she asks and kisses him again.

"No," he laughs. "You can definitely do that. Whenever you want."

"Like now?"

"Now's good."

"Now _is_ good," she agrees, but she's not talking about now being a good time to kiss him. For the first time in years, she's living in the now and it's a pretty wonderful place.

* * *

**i don't know exactly what song i'm going to use next and i have a HUMONGOUS essay to write (damn freaking english) so i'm not going to update for awhile. like until sometime next week at earliest. but reviews are always loved.**

**-Juli**


	6. New Favorite Thing

**a/n: so i rather love this chapter, but i'm not so in love with the song. however, i decided to put it up anyways. hope you like it too.**

**-insert disclaimer of your choice here-**

* * *

"_**New Favorite Thing"**_

_**Balligomingo**_

_You came out of nowhere_

_A welcome distraction_

_A sight for my sore eyes_

_A most special attraction_

_You save me_

_Oh don't you know_

_You're my new favorite thing_

_Now I don't need anything_

_Yes, you're my new favorite thing_

_Make me feel like I never felt before_

_My new favorite thing_

_I want you more and more and more_

_Like honey on my tongue_

_You melt and explore me_

_Where did you come from?_

_Say you adore me_

_Oh, baby, don't let me go_

_You're my new favorite thing_

_Now I don't need anything_

_Cuz you're my new favorite thing_

_Makes me feel like I never felt before_

_New favorite thing_

_I want you more and more and more_

_You make me like such a girl again_

_It's been a long time._

* * *

"One vanilla latte," Alex says, as has become his custom.

"You are the greatest," she informs him as she takes a sip of her drink. It's been a week since their first date and one date turned into two, three, and four, going on five. No one knows that what everyone claims to be a strange and unnatural friendship has turned into something more, something juicier, something more wonderful.

"I know," he replies smugly.

"Okay, so I won't tell you anymore," she retorts.

"I didn't say that."

"You implied it. You know you're the greatest; therefore I don't have to tell you that you are. You are secure in your image of your greatness." She grins at him, knowing that there is really nothing he could say to win the argument. She looks so happy, so beautiful, that he wants to kiss her more than anything, and he would, if they weren't standing outside the damn hospital. If it were up to him, he wouldn't care that they were outside of the hospital, he'd kiss her anyways. But he knows that's not what Addison would want for him to do. So he stands and grins back at her instead, because he wants her happy and he really doesn't want her on his ass, which he knows she would be if he were to lean in and kiss her. He knows that she hates being part of the gossip that flies so freely around the hospital and he's determined to keep her out of it as long as possible.

They walk onto the elevator chatting and laughing quietly. Meredith and Derek each get on, the former obviously ignoring the latter. Silence descends as Alex and Addison become aware of the other passengers and become uncomfortable. It's a silent, uneventful ride until the elevator shudders and lurches to a stop. Both Derek and Alex reach out to steady Addison, Derek grabbing an arm and Alex placing his hands firmly on her waist. The two men glare at each other and Addison looks beyond uncomfortable. It's the kind of scene that Meredith would get a kick out of watching, but she's too busy falling, and not being caught, to notice. "Ow," she says in a very annoyed tone of voice.

Alex looks over at his friend. "Ooh, sorry, Mer."

Meredith glares at Derek. Hoping to freak Derek out and maybe even find out what's going on between Alex and Addison, she says, "It's okay, Alex. You were just protecting your girlfriend."

Alex flushes. "What? She's not my-" he starts to protest.

"Alex," Addison sighs and shakes her head. "I'm done." Alex starts freaking out because of all the ways that 'done' could be taken. It could be an 'I'm done with the secrecy thing' done, it could be an 'I'm done with my latte' done (but he's pretty sure that it's not that one), or it could be the worst one of all, it could be an 'I'm done with you' done. "I'm sick of keeping secrets," she continues, taking his hand from her hip and lacing his fingers with hers, laying all his fears to rest. She notices Derek and Meredith's inevitable staring. "Go ahead and spread this around the hospital or whatever you want to do, once we get out of this God forsaken elevator, yes, he and I are dating. No, I'm not using him to get back at Derek. Yes, I am over Derek and I hope this proves it."

"He doesn't know the first thing about you!" Derek protests.

"That's the point, Derek, he's _getting to know me_ and I'm _getting to know him_. That's why we're _dating_," Addison explains, sounding very much like she's talking to a kindergartener, which, in a way, she is.

"I know more about her than you do," Alex scoffs. Addison rolls her eyes, knowing what's going to come.

"Hello? Is anyone there?!" Meredith yells into the speaker, not paying attention to the little love triangle thingy. She gets a bunch of static and some unintelligible babble, but nothing that she can actually understand. "Elevator speaker thingy's broken," she announces.

"Well, that's just peachy," Addison says sarcastically and lightly bangs the back of her head against the wall of the elevator.

"Stop it," Alex commands, placing his hand on the spot of the wall she's hitting, making her hit his hand instead. "You'll hurt yourself."

"I bet you don't even know her favorite color," Derek challenges Alex.

"You're an ass," Alex retorts. "And it's purple."

"Don't you dare speak to me like that."

"Oh, I'm sorry, _Dr. Shepherd_," he spits, sounding anything but, his voice devoid of all respect he should be giving an attending. "You think I don't know anything about her, but I know way more about her than you ever have."

"That's not true," Derek protests. "I was married to her for eleven years. You haven't even known her for eleven months."

"Standing right here," Addison grumbles, not happy to be a witness to this argument.

"Puh-lease," Alex says, "You didn't even see her. You _still _don't. You just see a challenge and a prize, you don't see _her_. And I'm not going to let her get treated like that by _anyone _again."

"You don't know the first thing about keeping her happy."

"I know not to ignore her. More than I can say for you."

"You're _both _kind of ignoring me right now," Addison points out.

"Addie, can't you see sense?" Derek pleads. "He doesn't know the first thing about you, he doesn't know your favorite movie, or your favorite musical, or your favorite song or anything. _I _do. _I _know you."

"Her favorite movie's _Holiday Inn_, not that she admits to it willingly, her favorite musical's _Wicked_, and her favorite song is "Defying Gravity" from _Wicked_," Alex recites without a moment's hesitation. Addison looks at him in shock. She didn't know he knew so much about her. She had told him these things, but she had no clue he was actually paying attention.

"Her favorite song's "Piano Man" by Billy Joel," Derek corrects him smugly.

"That's the song she _claims_ is her favorite because she thinks people will think she's strange for having a favorite song from a musical," Alex fires back. "Want to know more? She prefers vanilla lattes to regular black coffee, she's got an amazing voice but thinks she can't sing worth a damn, Bing Crosby's her all time idol, she calls hot chocolate juju, she bites her lip when she's nervous, she's ticklish on her stomach and especially on her neck and feet, she's got a scar on her shoulder from when she fell out of a tree when she was nine, she's strong and independent and she doesn't need you _or_ me, and she's broken. And you and Mark broke her. And if you don't back off and make it easier for her to move on, then I will personally kick your ass, not because I want her to forget about you, but because I see how much it hurts her, and I'm not going to let you hurt her. I wasn't there to stop you the first time or the times after that, but I am now, and I'm going to make sure that you never hurt her again."

The elevator is silent as everyone tries to process his tirade. Derek looks even angrier, Addison looks absolutely shocked, and Meredith's kind of smiling. "You have no right to threaten me like that," Derek finally spits. He raises his fist to punch Alex, but the maintenance people working on the elevator decide that this would be a marvelous time to get the elevator up and running. It lurches again, throwing Derek back, making his punch harmlessly swat the air, and Addison, who's standing in the middle of elevator with nothing to brace herself against, falls. She screams because it's a reflex, and just before she hits the floor Alex quickly reaches out and catches her. "It's okay," he tells her as he turns her and pulls her close, "I've got you." He brushes his lips against her forehead. "I've got you," he repeats, locking eyes with her. She smiles blissfully. "You know, Shepherd," Alex says as the elevator doors slide open. "If you really love her half as much as you say you do, then you'll leave her alone." With one last smile at Addison, he walks off.

"He's right, Derek. Please just… just leave me alone," Addison pleads and follows Alex.

"Looks like she's done with you," Meredith comments. "Guess what? I am too." Then she walks off, leaving the supposedly McDreamy doctor standing alone.

0ooo0

"So I've got a question," Addison announces as she and Alex scrub in.

"Shoot," he says.

"How'd you know all that stuff about me?"

"You told me all of it. Except the tickling thing, that, I found out all on my own."

"You were actually paying attention to me?" She's so used to being ignored that she finds it hard to believe.

He hates that she's so used to being put second to everything else, to being shoved aside, that she can't accept the fact that he pays attention to him. "I always pay attention to you," he tells her, "And I know that it's hard for you to believe, thanks to Shepherd and Sloan, but you are really hard not to pay attention to."

"That's not true," she protests.

"Yeah it is. For one thing, you've got this bright red hair," he says, tugging gently at a lock of her hair. "And two, I can't keep my eyes off of you, even if I wanted to. You, I don't know, you kind of… shine."

"I shine?"

"Kind of, yeah. I don't know how to explain it. You just… shine. Don't worry, it's a good thing."

"You," she tells him, "are officially my new favorite thing." She kisses him quickly, not caring who sees, not anymore. Then she finishes scrubbing in and walks into the O.R., fully ready to save the life of this newest mother and child.

* * *

**next up: "'Bout Time" by Louis Armstrong**

**like it?**

**-Juli**


	7. Bout Time

**a/n: it's FINALLY written! -applause- sorry this took so long, but i wanted to get my next chapter close to almost done, so that you don't have to wait. you'll understand why in a minute.**

**-insert general disclaimer here-**

**oh, and if you're confused throughout this chapter, don't worry, you're supposed to be**

* * *

'_**Bout Time**_

_**Louis Armstrong**_

'_Bout time, 'bout time_

_We had a little taste of wasted time,_

_Like love a deux I've wasted time alone with you_

'_Bout time we two were living out a lovely dream come true_

'_Bout you, 'bout me, 'bout love_

'_Bout time, 'bout time, we spent a little time with no one near_

_To watch me while I say a little something in your ear_

'_Bout how I care, 'bout how I want to make my feelings clear_

'_Bout you, 'bout me, 'bout love_

_We're in deep water darling, clear over my head_

'_Bout time to either sink or swim, let's swim, 'nuff said_

'_Bout time, 'bout time, we didn't have to always steal a kiss_

'_Bout time, 'bout time I had my arms around your waist like this_

_My whole life through, I wanna make you feel the way I do_

_About you, 'bout me, 'bout love_

_Yes, we're in deep water, darling, clear over my head_

'_Bout time to either sink or swim, let's swim, 'nuff said_

'_Bout time, yes time, we didn't always have to steal a kiss,_

'_Bout time, 'bout time I had my arms around your waist like this_

_My whole life through I wanna make you feel the way I do_

'_Bout you, 'bout me, 'bout us, oo-ee, 'bout your love and mine, yeah, 'bout time._

* * *

Addison is expecting the call to the Chief's office. She knows she isn't going to get away with her little stunt in the elevator. As she's walking to Richard's office she runs into Alex. He grabs her hand for a second, squeezes it, and drops it. "No worries," he says. "He just gave me the 'hurt her and I kill you' speech. Nothing big." Addison nods and he kisses her forehead. "Seriously, Adds, no worries." 

"Since when do you call me Adds?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Since now," he says matter-of-factly. "Addison's a lot to say every time I want to talk to you."

She smiles and can't help but feel a little guilty. She'll have to tell him, she knows, but she can't. Not now. "Okay. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"All right." He squeezes her hand again and starts to walk away.

Addison watches him walk away. She gathers up her courage and calls, "Alex, I'm-" He doesn't hear her, though, and continues to walk away. "Alex!" she calls again. This time he turns around.

"What?" he asks as he walks back towards her.

"Nothing. Never mind." All courage is gone, all words are abandoned, and Alex is still in the dark.

"You'll be fine," he comforts her, thinking the meeting's what's on her mind.

"Yeah," she says. "Thanks. Go work now."

She watches him walk away and sighs. How's she going to tell him?

0ooo0

The meeting goes surprisingly well. Apparently Alex convinced the chief of his good intentions and sufficiently impressed him, because all Richard wants to know is if she's happy. She replies yes and is free to go. As she walks towards the door Richard calls her name.

She turns around. "Yes?"

"One more thing. Why now?"

"There are some things, Richard," she sighs, "that you just can't control."

"Does he know?"

"You said one thing!"

"Does he?"

Addison sighs again. "No, he doesn't. No one does."

0ooo0

Addison spends the entire day contemplating just how to tell him. This is the sort of thing that changes lives. And not just hers, either. His too. It complicates things immensely. It's a big thing and she needs to tell him. But his reaction, oh Lord, how she is scared of his reaction.

She's incredibly annoyed to find that Callie called in sick. Who's she going to eat with now?

As she's grabbing what passes for a salad from the hospital cafeteria, Alex appears at her side. "Heard Callie called in sick," he says.

"Yep," she sighs.

"Come sit with us."

"Us?" Addison asks warily. There are certain lines she is unwilling to cross, even for Alex. One of them is the threshold of wherever the interns disappear to when they eat lunch.

"Please, Adds. I have to convince them that I'm not dating the devil incarnate."

"Well, when you put it like that… no."

"Addie, please?" He's actually begging her! Alex Karev begging her to eat with him. She knows she should revel in this power a little longer, but he's too hard to resist.

She rolls her eyes as she pays for her salad. "Fine."

He leads her out of the cafeteria, hand on the small of her back to guide her, into an elevator, up a couple floors, out the doors of the elevator, to a hospital room. Addison looks confused. He opens the door and Addison sees Izzie Stevens, Christina Yang, and Meredith Grey already there. They look up and seem shocked to see her. He walks in but Addison hangs back. It's all fine and dandy for him to stride in like he owns the place, he _belongs_. She's the outsider, the odd one out, the mistake in the what's wrong with this picture?, the one that doesn't belong. "Guys, can she eat with us?" Alex asks. Izzie looks to Christina, who looks to Meredith, who shrugs.

"Pull up a chair," Izzie says.

"Oh, by the way, Addison, meet Really Old Guy," Alex introduces her to the room's comatose patient.

"He doesn't have a name?" she asks skeptically.

"He does," Izzie answers, "We just don't know it. Therefore we call him Really Old Guy."

This makes absolutely no sense to Addison (couldn't they just check his chart?), but she goes along with it anyway and pulls up a chair.

Conversation is awkward and stilted until Izzie starts complaining about Sloan. "I swear, I can't get within a mile of that guy without him hitting on me!" she complains. Then she freezes and looks at Addison, obviously expecting some sort of explosion.

Addison, however, refuses to lose her composure. Plus, Izzie's right. So she just laughs. "Hey, at least you didn't sleep with him. What a manwhore."

"Exactly!"

And so, with a hatred of Mark in common, even if theirs' is nowhere near as complicated as hers, the group slowly begins to accept her. Alex watches, almost visibly glowing with pride, as Addison holds her own with Christina, comforts Izzie, and assures Meredith she wants nothing to do with Derek and that he'll eventually come around. It's not that he's ecstatic that she fits in, he'd lo- like her just the same if she didn't, but it's more that he's glad that he doesn't have to choose between them, although he'd choose Addison over Yang and Bambi any day of the week. He's just glad he doesn't have to.

0ooo0

That night Addison gets a call from Callie. "So, George tells me you ate with Alex and his weird, judgey-judge friends."

"Hi, Callie, how are you? Me, personally, I am fine. My day? Why, my day was fine too, thank you for asking," Addison replies teasingly.

"Shut it. How was eating with Alex and the judgey-judge friends?"

"You are the most polite person I know, I hope you realize," Addison says sarcastically.

"Judgey-judge friends?"

"As I can see you will not let me make any pleasant small talk until I answer you, I suppose I will deign to answer. It was fine. It was… fun, actually. They're kind of… interesting."

"What?! They didn't go all judgey-judge on you? They always go all judgey-judge on me!"

"No, they didn't. I even had a perfectly civil conversation with Meredith Grey."

"You. You had a conversation with Meredith Grey, evil, husband stealing, demon spawn that she is?"

"Okay, so first off, _ex_-husband. Secondly, while she may be husband stealing, that wasn't her fault, and also, she's not demon spawn and/or evil."

"Who are you and what the hell have you done with Addison Forbes Montgomery?"

"Callie," Addison protests.

"No, I'm serious! You're all… bright and shiny, to use a Meredith-ism."

"Maybe I'm just a naturally bright and shiny person, ever think of that?"

"You are not a naturally bright and shiny person. You completely lack the bright and shiny gene! You are the least bright and shiny person I know! Oh my God, you've been possessed by the ghost of an optimist!"

"Honestly, Callie, could be any more…"

"Or maybe you've been taken by body-snatchers. Listen, alien scum, I want my friend back and I want her back _now_."

"Callie, must you really act so… so… _strange_?"

"I'm not the one acting all bright and shiny!"

"I can be bright and shiny every once in awhile!"

"Oh my God, you just had sex didn't you? Don't deny it, Callie knows all."

"Maybe," Addison replies shyly.

"Oh my God, you just had tons of sex, didn't you?"

Addison glances towards the bathroom, where Alex is showering before they go out for dinner. "Maybe," she repeats, teasingly this time.

"Dish. Now. I want details!" Callie orders and then thinks for a moment. "But not too many details. I really don't want a play by play."

Addison hears the shower turn off. "Can't now," she says. "I'm going out to dinner. But I'll call you later?"

"No you won't, you'll be too busy having hot sex."

"Callie!" Addison exclaims. "Okay, yeah, probably. But you sound better so I'll talk to you tomorrow at work?"

"Bright and early. And try not to bring the bright and shininess with you, I can't deal with it without at least three cups of coffee in my system."

"I'll try."

0ooo0

"Good morning!" Addison chirps, sneaking up behind her friend.

Callie groans. "What did I say about the bright and shiny thing?"

"Oh right. Yeah. Sorry."

"Someone got laid," Callie snorts. "A lot."

Addison contemplates getting offended, but it seems pointless. Besides, it's true. So, as a joke she announces, "I think I'm in love." Callie blanches. "What? Stop looking at me like that. It was a joke!"

"That was not a joke. You were serious."

"I was not. I am not in love with Alex Karev."

"You sounded like it. You still do, in fact."

"I do not!"

"You do! Come on, it's not like it's impossible."

"It is definitely not impossible. But I am not in love with him. We've only been dating for like a month or so and we only _just _had sex. I can not be in love already. I just can't."

"Say whatever you may like, Montgomery, but you are talking to Callie, and Callie always knows!"

"Does Callie always refer to herself in the third person?" Addison asks nastily.

"Only sometimes, if you must know."

"Ah, well, Callie, it's been grand, however, I must go. My regards to the mother ship," Addison teases with a small bow as she makes her exit.

"Hey!"

0ooo0

Later that day, Addison gathers her courage and pulls Alex into a supply closet. "What are we doing?" she asks. He looks at her, needing more of an explanation than that. "I need to know what we're doing. We're dating, we've slept together, but what are we doing?"

"Adds…?"

"Do you care about me?"

Alex eyes widen. "Why would you even ask something like that?"

"Because I need to know. Do you?"

"Duh."

"That's beautifully put, Alex, really." She rolls her eyes.

"Why are you so…" he trails off for a moment, searching for the right word. "_Insecure_ all of a sudden?"

"I just have something to tell you and it's kind of important. So I need to know, _do you care about me?_"

"More than anything," he finally answers.

"Okay."

"Well, then, what?"

"Alex," Addison says, tears glistening in her eyes, "I'm…"

* * *

**-evil laughter- see? this is why i wanted that next chapter almost written. it should be up soon, so don't worry.**

**next up: "Through The Dark" by KT Tunstall**

**-Juli**


	8. Through the Dark

**a/n: that's right, i'm back! i don't have all that much to say, except this chapter was supposed to be a lot less fluffy and the last one was supposed to be a lot more fluffy. but they're not obedient chapters and so, this is the result.**

**-insert disclaimer of your choice here- **

_

* * *

_

_Through the Dark_

_**KT Tunstall**_

_As I walk away_

_I look over my shoulder_

_To see what I'm leaving behind_

_Pieces of puzzles, and wishes on eyelashes fade_

_Oh, how do I show_

_All the love inside my heart?_

_For this is all you_

_That I'm feeling my way through the dark_

_And I used to talk with honest conviction_

_Of how I predicted my world_

_I'm gonna leave it to stargazers_

_Tell me what your telescope says_

_Oh, what is in store for me now?_

_It's coming apart_

_I know that it's true_

'_Cuz I'm feeling my way through the dark_

_Try to find a light on somewhere_

_Try to find a light on somewhere_

_I'm finding I'm falling in love with the dark over here_

_Oh, what do I know?_

_I don't care where I start_

_From the troubles of you as I'm feeling my way the dark._

_I'm feeling my way through the dark.

* * *

_

"Alex," Addison says, tears glistening in her eyes. "I'm_…_ leaving."

He blinks. "Leaving?" Addison nods. "Leaving?" he repeats. "You're leaving?"

"Probably, yeah."

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you known?"

"A couple months," Addison answers honestly and apologetically.

"And you couldn't have maybe mentioned this fact, oh, I don't know, _weeks ago_?" She's never seen him this pissed off before. "You've known the _entire time_ we were together that you were just going to leave and you didn't even think to mention it?"

"I know, I should have."

"And what the hell does probably mean?"

"Well, it means that I'm _probably_ leaving. It's not entirely set. I mean I'm supposed to leave, but I could probably stay. For you."

"Oh no, don't stay for me. You won't have anything to stay for," he says and storms away.

Addison blinks back tears and wonders how she just managed to lose probably the best thing in her life.

0ooo0

He finds her curled up into a ball in an on call room, crying. She looks up. "Not now, Derek." Can't he see her world's just come crashing down around her and she's the one who ordered the wrecking ball?

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Do I look okay to you, Derek?"

"Well, no…"

"I assure you that I'm not okay. I'm sure you're thrilled to hear that."

"Stop that."

"Stop what? Telling the truth?"

"Stop it. I am not happy you're sad. What's wrong?"

Addison laughs bitterly. "What do you care?"

He ignores her. "Is something up with Alex?"

"Leave. Just… go."

"I'm going to go get him," he threatens.

"Don't!" she snaps.

"Why not?"

She looks down and whispers, "He… he hates me."

"Addie, no one hates you."

"He does. I hate that I care, but I do. He hates me and I care."

"I'm going to go get him."

"Don't you dare."

"Fine, I'm just going. Feel better, Addie," he says, leaving the room. He's not sure what inspired his change of heart, but maybe he's learned what truly caring for someone means, or maybe he's just figured out what's going on in his own screwy life. In any case, for some reason, he disobeys his ex-wife and goes and finds her… boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Lover? Ex-lover? What is Alex to her anyways?

"Karev!" he exclaims when he finds him, surrounded by his intern friends. "A word?"

"Sure…" Alex replies hesitantly as Derek leads him away from his friends.

Derek turns and faces him. "So…"

"Look, if this is about Addison. Go ahead, take her. She's all yours. I don't want anything to do with her. I'm removing myself from the running."

"What running? There's never been any running. There's no competition. Not anymore. You won. And now you should fight to keep her."

"Didn't you just hear me? I don't want anything to do with her. Not anymore."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

"That is _bullshit_, Karev. You want everything to do with her. She's in one of the on call rooms on the fourth floor. I suggest you go find her before she moves on to pissed off."

"I don't-" Alex starts but Derek cuts him off with the one thing he knows will get Alex up to the fourth floor.

"You really hurt her. I thought you said you weren't going to do that. Guess you're no different than Sloan and me," Derek says and walks away, correctly assuming that his statement would get Alex to Addison.

Alex stalks to the on call room, cursing Shepherd with each step. He knows he needs to hang onto whatever anger he has pent up if he's going to stay strong.

Whatever defenses he's built up, however, crumbles the second he opens the right door. She's huddled on the bed, like maybe if she curls up small enough she'll actually disappear. She looks up and he sees black tracks of mascara down her face. And the look on her face! She looks like… like… well, like someone just tore out her heart and put it through a meat grinder. It's the same look from the on call room at the beginning of their friendship, on her ex-anniversary. The look he swore he'd never put there.

"What do you want?" she snaps.

"I… I…"

"Are you going to yell at me some more? Because I really don't want to hear it. I screwed up, I get that. You don't need to yell at me more."

"I…"

"Look. Here's what we'll do, we'll avoid each other for the few days I'm still here, and then I'll leave quietly and you'll never have to see me again. You'd like that wouldn't you?"

He sees how much it hurts her to say those words. That's the second time he's hurt her in the span of an hour. That look! "No," he answers. She looks at him and he sees what is either a glimmer of hope or the reflection of the lights in her eyes.

"Are you… are you still mad?"

"No," he answers. "It's too hard to stay mad at you. I can't. But what are we going to do?" She beams at his first statement and he breathes easier, knowing that her smile's back.

"Easy," she says. "I stay."

"No," he replies and she frowns. "Adds… I don't… I don't… God, I suck at this… I don't think you should _not _go. You're not happy here. But I don't want you to leave either."

"I am happy here. Sometimes. When you're around. Then I am. And when I talk to Callie."

"That's not enough. Adds, I want you here with me, I do, but I… I just want you happy more."

A tear escapes her eyes and she says, "That's the sweetest thing I think anyone's ever said to me." He sits down next to her and pulls her into his arms. She buries her face in his chest and closes her eyes. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you," her voice drifts up, muffled.

Alex pulls away and looks at her. "Adds, you don't _need_ me. I don't _want_ you to need me. The Addison I know doesn't _need_ anybody. She's perfectly fine on her own. And you are that Addison. You'll be fine."

Addison nods. "I know, it just seems kind of impossible right now."

"You'll be fine. But what are we going to do?"

"I don't know. I'm moving to L.A. and it's really far away and I can't help it, I'm going to worry and… it seems like there's no way."

"Addison, have you never heard of a long distance relationship?" he teases. "They're work, but, honestly? You're worth it."

"Really?" she squeaks. "You would do that… for me?"

"Right about now, I'd do just about anything for you."

"Careful of what you're saying Karev," she warns. "You're teetering perilously close to sounding like you're in love."

"Maybe it's not so far off the mark," he shrugs.

"Huh?"

"Adds, I can't tell you I'm in love, because I'm not sure I am, but… let's just say it's a possibility."

"A possibility, huh?" Addison asks.

"A definite possibility."

"Well, Alex Karev, there is a definite possibility I might one day love you. Maybe. If you're lucky," she replies, tilting her head up for a kiss.

"I don't think luck has anything to do with it."

"Maybe… maybe not."

"I'm gonna miss you, Adds."

"So… I'm going?" she asks quietly.

"You're going," he affirms, just as quietly. He tries to smile encouragingly and she tries to smile back, but it comes off as weak and diluted, its brightness nowhere near its usual wattage. They both shake off the feeling that it's more than physical distance they're going to have to deal with soon.

* * *

**so... until next time...**

**how 'bout some reviews?**

**-Juli**


	9. Good Riddance

**a/n: another day, another chapter. can i just ask, how horrible is it that halloween's on a wednesday? i mean, i have to miss pushing daisies AND private practice? i am NOT happy. whatever, thank god for dvr, right?**

**-insert disclaimer of your choice here-**

* * *

"_**Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)"**_

_**Green Day**_

_Another turning point_

_A fork stuck in the road,_

_Time grabs you by the wrist,_

_Directs you where to go,_

_So I make the best of this test_

_And don't ask why,_

_It's not a question_

_But a lesson learned in time._

_It's something unpredictable,_

_But in the end is right,_

_I hope you had the time of your life._

_So I take the photographs_

_And still frames in your mind,_

_Hanging on a shelf in good health _

_And good times,_

_Tattoos and memories_

_And dead skin on trial,_

_For what it's worth, _

_It was worth all the while._

_It's something unpredictable,_

_But in the end is right,_

_I hope you had the time of your life._

* * *

"You're going to be fine," he tells her continually. "Everything's going to be fine." She wants to believe him, she really does, but sometimes, in the darkest parts of the night with his arms wrapped around her, sometimes she doesn't.

She should be stronger than this! She's done the moving thing multiple times, she chased her husband across the continent for God's sake! She should be able to pack up and move again. This shouldn't be this hard. And it wouldn't be, if it weren't for Alex. She knows that he's not trying to make it hard for her, he's the one who told her to go in the first place after all, but he is. He's trying to be a good boyfriend and he's being really sweet and nice and he's trying to make it easier for her, but he's just making it harder. Because she's going to miss him so much when she leaves. _Too_ much for her liking, truth be told.

They fly to L.A. together, hoping that it'll make her transition easier. They hold hands throughout the entire flight, as if they'll have to say goodbye the second they stop touching.

Their first day there is filled with unpacking, cuddling, and sex. So are the second, third, and first half of the fourth days. On the fourth day Addison declares her house done.

The house is very Addisony. Everything is light and airy. It's all very clean, which is not so Addisony and something she will have corrected soon, and sunlight streams through the open windows, a very Addisony thing. It's definitely her house. But she can't help but notice a couple Alex elements. For one, the enormous television, a very post-Alex-Addison purchase. Two, the shirt she's stolen from him thrown on the bed, laying where she discarded it this morning. A picture of them at the fair on the mantle. His number scrawled on a piece of paper and taped to the refrigerator, as if she could possibly forget it. His things, though those will soon be gone.

On the fourth day Addison calls Naomi. She goes to work in the morning but Alex doesn't leave until the next day. She wants to know if she can bring a colleague in. He pretends his chest doesn't swell with pride when she calls him a colleague. Naomi agrees and Addison hangs up. She joins Alex on the couch in the living room. He glances at her and slips an arm around her waist, pulling her in closer. "She say yes?" he wants to know. Addison nods, not wanting to speak and ruin whatever kind of peace they have. "Good," he says. He looks down at her serene face, her head resting on his shoulder. "God, I'm going to miss you," he comments.

"We're going to be okay," Addison replies. "We're going to be fine."

"We're going to be fine," Alex repeats. "We're starting to sound like Meredith." They laugh at that.

0ooo0

They go in together the next day. Addison notices her colleagues staring at her and Alex, wondering what the hell is going on.

"Hi, Addison," Violet greets her as Addison waits for Naomi. "You're back." She had visited L.A. a couple of months ago, back when Alex was still just a friend.

"I'm back."

"Who's….?"

Addison looks over at Alex. "Oh, this is Alex. He's my, um, he's my boyfriend." She still thinks it weird to call him her boyfriend, even though that's what he is. "Alex, this is Violet. She's the psychiatrist."

Alex nods at Violet and she says, "Nice to meet you. Hey Pete."

Addison turns around and there's Pete in all his… Peteness. She smiles, genuinely, if a little tighter than usual. They never had a real thing, but they had some moments. "Pete," she greets him.

"Addison."

"Pete, this is Alex, Alex this is Pete." The two men shake hands. Alex wraps a protective arm around Addison's waist. She's not happy that he's so overprotective. He's being paranoid, she'd never cheat on him, never. Then again, it's not like her previous actions would convince him of that. So maybe he has a right to be overprotective and paranoid, she concedes. That doesn't mean she has to like it, though.

She leans into Alex, ever so slightly. Just because she doesn't like his protectiveness and paranoia, doesn't mean that she can't take advantage of the arm that's now around her waist, resting there like it was made to be there and nowhere else. That's how it is between her and Alex. Everything just comes so naturally and that's part of what she loves about them.

Pete greets them and walks away. Addison looks at Alex's face, and he doesn't look too happy. "No worries," she comforts him and kisses his cheek. "Don't look like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you're going to go murder Pete in his sleep. He hasn't done anything to deserve being murdered."

"Sorry. It's just… I… never mind."

"You just don't feel like you can trust me completely," Addison finishes. "I should be mad about that. But I haven't done anything to prove to you that you should."

"I trust you, I do, it's just…"

"You're going to be in Seattle, and I'm going to be here and you're afraid that I'll fall for someone else. Don't worry, I feel the same way. Do you know how scared I am that you're going to be in Seattle with Izzie Stevens and Ava, Rebecca, whatever her name is now, and not me? Because I'm completely terrified that you'll forget about me, and it sucks."

"I'm not going to forget you," Alex promises.

"And I'm not going to forget you. You're the one I might one day love, and I intend on making it to that one day. So no worries, okay?"

He smiles at her. Then he kisses her. "No worries," he agrees when they pull away.

0ooo0

They're stalling in front of the terminal. Alex wants to beg her to come back with him, Addison wants to beg him to let her, but neither says anything. "So, I guess I'll see you?" Addison finally says.

"Yeah," he replies. Addison nods. They stand awkwardly for another moment and then suddenly in a blur of motion they're in each other's arms. Addison closes her eyes and puts her head on his chest, trying to memorize everything about him. The sound of his heartbeat, his breathing, the way he smells, everything. He rests his chin on top of hers, inhaling her scent. He feels her start to shake gently and looks down. She's crying softly into his shoulder. He genuinely wishes she wouldn't do that, he hates it when she cries. It huts him too much. "Hey," he says, tilting her chin up so that she looks at him. "Don't cry. It'll all work out, I swear."

"Damn tears," Addison comments, angrily wiping at her face. "I promised myself that I wasn't going to cry. Yeah, _that_ worked out well."

"I'm gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too."

"So, I should probably go." He leans down and kisses her softly. He pulls back, gathers his things, and starts to walk away. Then he turns back. "I'm not going to see you for a long time," he comments, drops his things, and walks back to kiss her again. This one is much more passionate and leaves Addison even weaker in the knees than his kisses normally do. With his arms still around her, he whispers, "You're beautiful. Don't forget it." Then he gives her another chaste kiss, gathers his things a second time, and walks away, this time not turning back.

Addison is in a daze as she drives home. She's just starting to feel the effects of him leaving when she walks in the door. She goes to the freezer to grab some ice cream, her comfort food, and notices a post-it on the door that wasn't there when she walked out the door. It puzzles her. Then she remembers that Alex had run inside while she waited in the car to grab a last bag.

_Adds,_

_Stay strong. Miss you already. You can do this. Have fun._

_Love, Alex._

She smiles softly even as tears spring to her eyes, takes the note, and puts it on the mirror in her bedroom.

God, she loves her boyfriend.


	10. The Long Day Is Over

**a/n: a second chapter for one day. it's really short and i've had this one written for awhile, but i kind of love it. fluff warning!**

**-insert disclaimer of your choice here-**

* * *

"_**The Long Day Is Over"**_

_**Norah Jones**_

_Feeling tired_

_By the fire_

_The long day is over_

_The wind is gone_

_Asleep at dawn_

_The embers burn on_

_Don't you cry_

_The sun will rise_

_The long day is over_

* * *

Thursday, eight o'clock on the dot. It's officially been a week since Alex left. Addison rushes to the phone and stares at it, willing it to ring. And it does. She picks up on the first ring. "Alex?"

"Hey, babe." She can hear the smile in his voice and she grins.

"I miss you," she tells him.

"I miss you too. It sucks without you."

"I know, same to you." They sit for a minute, just listening to the other's breathing. _That's it_, Addison decides. _I'm done with the long distance thing._ "I'm coming to Seattle," she announces as Alex announces that he's coming to L.A. She grins. He wants to see her just as badly as she wants to see him. "Not when I'm in Seattle, I hope."

"When can you come? Or when should I come?"

"I don't know. I'm crazy busy for another month. But if you could get down here, I could probably work around you."

"I can come in about three weeks. Does that work for you?"

"So you're coming?"

"I'm coming."

"Okay."

"You sound tired, you should get some sleep."

"I haven't been sleeping all that well. It's surprisingly hard to sleep when you're the only one in the bed and you have all the space you want." She and Alex are both very spread out sleepers, and they would continually kick each other or end up tangled up when they tried to share a bed. She never thought that she would miss someone unconsciously trying to kill her in the middle of the night, but she does. "And it's all weird and quiet. I miss you."

"I've got a plan, don't hang up the phone. Now get ready to go to sleep and get in bed." She obeys. "Good?"

"Yep."

"Okay, now talk to me."

They talk for another three hours. Addison slowly gets more and more tired and her answers get shorter and shorter. Finally she falls asleep to the sound of Alex talking softly.

"Addie?" he whispers into the phone. The sound of steady breathing reassures him that she's fallen asleep and he hangs up the phone.

0ooo0

Addison wakes up to the sound of the dial tone. She looks at the clock and it's five in the morning. She got seven hours of sound sleep, that's four hours more than she's been getting lately. She smiles, hangs up the phone, and goes back to sleep.

0ooo0

For the next three weeks, this becomes their routine. They talk until Addison falls asleep. Then and only then does Alex hang up. It's not perfect, it would be better if they were together, sprawled out in bed, punching and kicking each other in their sleep, waking up with bruises that weren't there the night before, but this works too. They make do.


	11. Home

**i know, i know, i've been neglectful. but school's getting hectic and... no excuse i come up with is going to matter, is it? yeah, i didn't think so. well, enjoy anyways.**

**-insert disclaimer of your choice here- **

_

* * *

_

_Home_

_**Vanessa Carlton**_

_Some people live in a house on the hill_

_And wish they were somewhere else_

_There's nobody there when the evening is still_

_Secrets with no one to tell_

_And some I have known have a ship where they sleep_

_With sounds of rocks on the coast_

_They sail over oceans five fathoms deep_

_But can't find what they want the most_

_Even now when I'm alone_

_I've always known with you, I am home_

_Some live in towns, cardboard shack on concrete_

_All bluster and bustling life_

_They search for the color they can never quite see_

_Cause it's all white on white_

_Even now when I'm alone_

_I've always known with you, I am home_

_For me it's a glance and the smile on your face_

_The touch of your hands, and an honest embrace_

_For where I lay it's you I keep, this changing world I fall asleep_

_With you all I know is I'm coming home, coming home_

* * *

Addison stands nervously in the terminal, staring intently at the escalators coming from the top floor. Any second now Alex will come down from the top floor and she won't get weepy and emotional, because it's only been less than a month since she's last seen him, and when she thinks about it, that's not all that long. After all, a month is only one twelfth of a year. That's not a lot of time. A month is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Still, she can't help but worry a little. People can change in a month. It's hard, but not unheard of. And she knows she's changed since she moved to L.A., so why shouldn't she worry a little? For one thing, her hair has more blond in it. She's tanner too. And then there's the other changes, the ones that are harder to identify. She's no longer so career-driven. She's become a little lazy, preferring to wake up at seven twenty as opposed to the ungodly four forty that she used to get up at. But that doesn't mean she's totally different, right? She's still the same person more or less. Just a little different. But her principles are still the same. Her personality and sense of humor are still the same. Nothing big has changed. So Alex is still going to like her, right?

Right. Because he's probably changed too. And she's willing to accept that. And he's not like other guys that she's known. He will accept the fact that she's changed. He's like that. Right?

She shouldn't be this nervous! This is her boyfriend she's talking about! She knows how great he can be, how sweet and caring. This is the guy who talks to her for hours on the phone each night, just to get her to fall asleep. Everything will be fine.

She keeps repeating that phrase to herself. _Everything will be fine_. Oh, God, what if he's found someone else? _Everything will be fine._ He would have told her. He would have broken up with her, right? But what if he's flying down to break up with her? _Everything will be fine._ He wouldn't fly all the way down here to do that, would he? Of course not. _Everything will be fine._

Just when she thinks that she will drive herself crazy with her _everything will be fine_s she spots him. She is _not _going to run over to him and stop crying. She is _not _going to do anything particularly emotional and movie-like. She is _not_ going to run to him and he is _not _going to pick her up and spin her around and kiss her. That is exactly what is _not _going to happen.

She's torn between acting sensible and doing exactly what she has decided she won't do. It's a lot harder to not do those things than she anticipated, since every cell in her body is screaming to run to him. Since she can't decide between walking to him and running to him, she stands completely still. Frozen is a good word for it. Frozen with nerves and anticipation.

When he gets to the bottom of the escalator, she makes herself take a slow step towards him. Then another. And another. Her steps keep getting faster, but she manages to keep them to a fast walk, rather than a run. He spots her and smiles at her, moving toward her. They reach each other and stop, each holding back a little. And then all of a sudden she's back in his arms and nothing else matters.

She feels pinpricks behind her eyes, letting her know that tears are about to start falling. She wipes them away, frustrated. She shouldn't be crying, it's not like he's leaving! He just got here! _But still_, she thinks, _there's no reason that I shouldn't cry. There is such a thing as crying in happiness._

_Don't cry! _she argues. _Crying only makes you look weak!_

_SHUT UP! _she yells at her thoughts. _Enjoy the moment, _she advises herself.

Addison listens, closing her eyes and shutting out everything. Now that she's got him in her arms again, she never wants to let go. But walking would prove difficult if she doesn't. So she does, slowly. When she's not hugging him anymore, she looks at his face. "Hi," she whispers.

"Hey," he replies, just as quietly.

"Um, we should go get your bags," she says, terrified of falling into silence. Things can't be awkward between them, can they? This is the guy she… well, she isn't exactly sure how she feels about him, but she knows that she's hovering somewhere between intense like and love. It's weird, she's never felt like this before. You'd think she would have, considering the fact that she's been married. But she hasn't. It's not that desperate, burning love that she had with Derek and Mark (because she did love Mark, at least for a little bit). It's slower than that, more pure. It's like she wants to be around him all of the time, she doesn't want him to even leave her sight, but she doesn't need him to be her. When she loved Derek and Mark, it was like she needed them around just to be Addison. It's not like that with Alex. With him, she… she's not exactly sure how to describe it, but she doesn't need him around, she just wants him to be. She feels just as whole with him in Seattle and her here in L.A. as she does with him standing next to her. She just feels happier with him around.

She turns to walk towards baggage claim. "Hey, you forgot something," Alex says, gently grabbing her arm and turning her back around. She looks around at the floor, she's forgotten nothing.

"What? Am I going crazy and just not noticing that I left my purse or something?"

"No. You forgot this," he says, pulling her close and kissing her softly. And from that moment, she knows things won't be awkward.

"So I did," she replies, once she's removed her lips from his. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

They get his bags, all three of them. "Jesus, Alex, how much stuff did you bring?" she jokes. "This is more than I would have brought for a weeklong vacation."

"It's not a weeklong vacation," he replies.

Her brow furrows, trying to work out just what he's saying. _What's that supposed to mean? _she thinks.

_It means he's staying for longer than a week, you dolt. Duh._

_Or maybe he's staying. Like for good._

Well, there's only one way to settle this. "What does that mean?" she asks.

He grins. "It's actually not a vacation. I convinced the Chief to let me transfer to L.A. General. I'll finish up my residency there. I was hoping you'd let me stay at your place while I search for an apartment."

Her mouth drops open. _Does that mean…? _her thoughts trail off, not wanting to finish the question. _Does he love me? _she asks herself.

_Or maybe it's all some elaborate hoax, _she thinks. _Or he just really likes having sex with you._

_That is not true at all, _she disagrees. _He would not move hundreds of miles just to have sex or for some joke. He moved because he loves you._

All of that is what is going on in her head. What comes out of her mouth is, "Huh?"

"I'm sick of not seeing you. And I'm sick of the rain. There is only so much rain a guy can take."

"Seriously?" she asks. He nods and she grins, grabbing one of his suitcases, and proceeding to lead him to her car. "You know," she comments as they walk towards the parking lot. "I don't see why you would need to find a place. Mine's plenty big enough."

_Did I just ask him to move in? _she thinks.

_That was quite possibly the stupidest, most impulsive thing you've ever done, _she tells herself.

_It was sweet. And fine. Because you're ready for this and he's ready for this. He proved that by taking time out of his sleep cycle to help you get more sleep. He's totally ready, _she thinks.

He smiles. "Good," he says. "I really wasn't looking forward to apartment shopping."

"Well then," she says. "Welcome home."

He takes her hand and she knows that it wasn't stupid. Impulsive maybe, but not stupid.

0ooo0

A couple of days later, Addison recalls that Christmas is coming up. Then she remembers a less pleasant thing. She invited her mother to Christmas dinner. She sighs, remembering the last time she saw her mother.

Deborah Forbes Montgomery had not been pleased. Not only had her only daughter just informed her that she was getting divorced, she had also revealed exactly why her husband had picked up and left for Seattle. A devout Catholic, she hadn't been happy when her daughter and then-fiancé had opted for a civil service, instead of a traditional Catholic service. But she had gone along with it, assuming that one day they would renew their vows in a church with a priest present. And now that would never happen. Any less classy woman would have been pissed off. Deborah Forbes Montgomery was simply angry and upset. Addison had taken the brunt of the anger, listening to her mother rant about the sacrament of marriage and how there was no such thing as divorce. She listened to the pleas to work on her marriage, anything but divorce. But in the end, she went through with the divorce and listened to her mother yelling at her through the phone from New York. She had only initiated contact after a couple months to let her mother cool down.

Thinking she would be alone for Christmas, she had invited her mother out, trying to bridge the gap that had developed. Actually, the gap had been there long before, but now it was much wider. In any case, she was trying to build a bridge. And now she would have her current boyfriend, who had never met her mother, and her mother, who was still angry about the divorce in the same house. Merry Christmas to all.

* * *

**you know the drill, i assume.**

**-Juli**


	12. The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

**a/n: i know, i know, and there's simply no excuse. go ahead and hate me, i kinda do. i had this ready to post xmas eve, but things got busy. anyways, i hope you enjoy.**

**-insert disclaimer of your choice here- **

_

* * *

_

_It's The Most Wonderful Time_

_**Andy Williams**_

_It's the most wonderful time of the year_

_With the kids jingle belling_

_And everyone telling you "Be of good cheer"_

_It's the most wonderful time of the year_

_It's the hap-happiest season of all_

_With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings_

_When friends come to call_

_It's the hap-happiest season of all_

_There'll be parties for hosting_

_Marshmallows for toasting_

_And caroling out in the snow_

_There'll be scary ghost stories_

_And tales of the glories of_

_Christmases long, long ago_

_It's the most wonderful time of the year_

_There'll be much mistletoe-ing_

_And hearts will be glowing_

_When loved ones are near_

_It's the most wonderful time of the year_

* * *

"I am _so_ sorry," Addison apologizes to Alex as she walks through the front door.

"What?" Alex is confused. Addison shakes her head and holds the door open for her mother.

"Here we are, Mom, home sweet home," she says shyly, clearly steeling herself.

"It's so… quaint," her mother says snottily. "Smaller than anything you had in New York. The brownstone was huge compared to this."

Addison grits her teeth. "I like it," she says simply. "The view's amazing," she points out, hoping for some sort of praise.

Her mother surveys the gorgeous beach scene out of the window. "I always took you for more of a city girl. You used to _love _the skyscrapers. You didn't even want to go to the Hamptons during the summer. And forget about taking you anywhere further away than you could go in a day by car."

"Things change, Mom."

"I'm just saying…"

"I know, Mom. Look, there's someone I want you to meet."

"Oh?"

"Mom, this is Alex Karev," she introduces him, taking his hand. "my boyfriend."

He sticks out his other hand and smiles, "It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Forbes Montgomery."

She looks condescendingly down at his hand and doesn't take it, so he pulls his hand back awkwardly. "Hello," she says, rather rudely. Addison can see that she's sizing him up, already comparing him to Derek.

"Alex is a surgeon too, Mom."

"Neurologist? I think neurology is such a noble specialty. One of the best. So dangerous. You have to be the very best when you're a neurologist."

"No. He's still an intern. That's where we met. We work together," Addison says.

Deborah raises an eyebrow. "You're superior in the workplace? How mortifying for him!"

Addison grits her teeth again, trying to remember just why she invited her mother. "Actually, I don't mind," Alex says. "I like your daughter too much to care about something like that." He smiles at Addison, who smiles for the first time since she walked in the door.

The line would melt any other parent, but not Deborah. She scoffs, not believing him. "Right. And the moon is made of cheese. We all have things that we tell ourselves."

Addison stares. What the hell is wrong with her mother? "Mom, you seem tired, why don't I show you the guest room and you can lie down?" she suggests.

"All right. I hate flying, it wears me out."

"I know, Mom, that's why I suggested it. Come on, I'll show you the room."

0ooo0

Deborah is napping in the guest room, and Addison and Alex are cuddling on the couch, watching TV. They sit in silence until Addison turns to him and says, "I'm sorry. My mom can be… tiring."

"It's okay," Alex replies, glancing at her, and then returning his attention to the TV.

"No, it's not," Addison disagrees. "She had absolutely no right to be that rude."

Alex, sensing an impending discussion, switches off the TV. "Adds, it really is okay."

"_No,_ it's _not!_ Don't you get it? She's comparing you to Derek and you're never going to live up to him! She's not going to care that you make me happy, or that you don't ignore me, or that you are the sweetest man alive! All she's going to care about is that you can't provide for me as well (since she always conveniently forgets I have a job), that you make less money than Derek, that you're younger than Derek!" Alex scowls and folds his arms. "Oh, please don't be like that," Addison pleads when she sees him getting offended. "I didn't say that's what I see; I said that's what she's going to see." He doesn't reply, but his face softens just a little. "Alex, please," she begs, her eyes beginning to sting with tears. "I don't care about any of those things. I don't care about any of that. I care about you and that's all that matters. Please."

Alex is still for a moment, then unfolds his arms and holds her close, kissing her head. "I'm sorry, Adds," he apologizes. "It's just… you said those things like you've thought about them."

"I have," she answers. She feels him start to pull away, so she continues hastily. "But not for awhile. I used to. Like the first week we started dating. By the second week, I stopped caring. I only started thinking about them again because of her. I _don't _care, I swear."

"Okay," he says. Relief washes over her, driving away her panic, and she leans in to kiss him. Their kissing intensifies, and Addison is just considering suggesting a nap of their own, when she hears someone clear their throat. She looks up, hoping and praying that it's some random maniac who walked into her house, and not her mother. No such luck.

"I wanted some water," Deborah explains, pointedly ignoring the fact that Addison is straddling her boyfriend. Addison flushes and gets up.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Hold on a second." She walks into the kitchen and grabs a cup. Her mother follows her.

"I'm not so sure I see what you see in him," she says quietly as she walks into the room. Addison stays silent, concentrating on her breathing and on not stabbing her mother with a knife. "I mean, don't get me wrong, he seems nice enough, but he's so much younger than you."

"You know what, Mom? I don't care," she says, hoping to stop the conversation.

"He is good looking, I will give you that. You always did have good taste in men. But it seems to be slipping a little, dear. I mean, it's great that you can still snag a younger man, but it's one thing to snag one, and an entirely different thing to be serious about him," Deborah continues, as if she hadn't heard her daughter.

"I like him a lot. That's enough for me."

"I'm just worried about you, dear. What happens when he wakes up one morning and sees what he considers to be an old woman beside him? You really think he's going to stay with you? You two aren't at the same stages in life, not like you and Derek."

Finally, at the mention of Derek, Addison explodes. "You want to know something about your dear, precious Derek? He left for Seattle and started a relationship with another woman without telling her about me. He pretended to try and save our marriage, while he was really just covering his own ass and making me look like the bad guy. He slept with that woman while I was in the same building. And even before Mark, he treated me like an object, like I wouldn't mind if he didn't notice me! Alex would never do any of those things to me! He'd never hurt me like that. And if you still want me to go grovel at my ex-husband's feet, begging him to take me back, then I suggest you go to the airport and get on the next plane back to New York. Because I will not tolerate you being so rude to Alex. I'm not going to tolerate your snide little remarks and your disapproval. He is the man that I'm probably going to spend the rest of my life with, or at least a good portion of it, and you will accept him, or you will leave."

"Addison, you're clearly angry, so I'm not going to say anything."

Deborah's attempt at keeping her calm fails. If anything, it makes things worse. "I don't believe you!" Addison strains to keep her voice down. After all, she's a Forbes Montgomery, and the Forbes Montgomery family does not make scenes. "I invite you out for Christmas and the second you land, you're criticizing me, and my house, and my boyfriend! Why can't you ever just be happy for me? Why can't you be proud of me? What did I do to make you hate me so much? You know what, go ahead, hate me, just keep your opinions to yourself."

"Oh, Addison, don't be silly. I don't hate you," her mother sighs, moving towards her. She thinks better of it when she sees the look on Addison's face. "I just want what's best for you."

"Well, according to you, what's best for me is a horrible marriage and unhappiness, so please excuse me if I don't exactly trust you in the matter. I think I know what's best for me by now."

"I just think Derek was so good for you. You used to be so happy with him. I think you two could be like that again."

"_No,_ we _can't_."

"Why not?"

"Adultery tends to drive a wedge between people."

"If you worked really hard at it…"

"No, Mom. It won't happen. He's happy, I'm happy. We've both moved on. The only person who hasn't is you. So move on. And while you're at it, you might want to think about getting to know Alex. Because I don't intend on letting him go any time soon."

Deborah rolls her eyes. "Don't be so dramatic, dear."

"I'm not. I'm telling the truth. And you will be nice to him or you will leave."

"What makes you so sure that you two will last?"

"I love him, okay? That's how I know. I love him and I'm pretty damn sure he loves me, so back off."

"You were in love with Derek for eleven years, and that just goes away the second this man, no, boy really, this _boy_, comes along?"

It takes all of Addison's will power to keep from slapping her. "No. It doesn't. And I'm done talking to you now."

"Addison-"

"I am through talking to you. Please leave me alone," she says quietly and walks out of the kitchen.

She sits back down next to Alex and waits for her mother to pass by and return to the guest room. Then she breaks down. "What? What's wrong?" Alex asks anxiously as he pulls her into his arms. She shakes her head to let him know that she doesn't want to talk about it, so he just lets her cry.

Finally she calms down enough to talk. "I hate her," she whispers fearfully. "I hate her more than I hate just about anyone else. I hate my own mother. God, what is wrong with me?"

"Nothing," he tells her. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you."

She lifts her head to looks at him. "I hate my own mother! There is something seriously wrong with me."

"No, there's something seriously wrong with your mother. No offense, but she's the bitchiest woman I've ever met. You've got every right to hate her. I'm going to guess she doesn't have many friends."

Addison laughs. "Not really, no." She turns serious. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For cheering me up. For making me feel like I'm perfectly fine, even though I'm not. For making me feel like I'm not screwed up. Take your pick."

"You're _not _screwed up. You're just flawed, like everyone else in the world."

Addison just smiles and shakes her head. She gives him a quick kiss. "Well, thanks anyway. I'm going to go take a nap."

"Good, get some sleep."

"I will."

"Sweet dreams."

"Thanks."

0ooo0

Addison and her mother circle each other awkwardly for the next couple of days. Addison can see it was a mistake to invite her to come out a week before the holiday. She's beginning to despair of having a decent holiday when Alex finally brightens things up.

They're lying in bed together, waiting for sleep. Addison is about two minutes away from sleep, when Alex whispers, thinking she's asleep, "I love you. Stay strong, only a couple more days until she's gone, and I'll be here the entire time." She turns over to look at him. "Uh, you weren't supposed to hear that," he says.

She feels a smile spread across her face. "I love you too."

And in that moment, Addison knows she's found the man she wants to spend every last second of her life with, despite what her mother says.

* * *

**it went sappy, i know it went sappy. **

**for those of you who are enjoying having deborah around, don't worry, we haven't seen the last of her. you know you want to review!**

**-juli**


	13. Oh, It Is Love

**helloooooooooooooooo? is anyone out there? are you still reading? really! oh boy! do i feel loved! basically, feel free to throw food at me, because i know it's been WAAAAAY too long, but i hit this humongous writer's block with this story. i would say feel free to throw hard and/or sharp objects at me, but that would hurt, and i don't think i'd feel very inspired after being stabbed by flying knives, sooo... yeah. okay, that's the end of my apology/rant thing. oh, but i would like you to know 2 things. one, i really don't like this chapter. that's not to say something bad happens, i just don't like the chapter. two, i'm going to try and wrap this fic up pretty soon. it's getting old and feeble.**

**my apologies for the whacked-outedness of the lyrics, the computers being stupid.**

**-insert generic disclaimer here- **

**_Oh, It Is Love_**

_**Hellogoodbye**_

_Oh, it is love  
From the first time I set my eyes up on yours  
Thinking oh, is it love? _

_Oh dear  
It's been hardly a moment  
And you are already missed  
There is still a bit of your skin  
That I've yet to have kissed_

_Oh say please do not go  
When you know you know that i must  
Oh say I love you so  
You know you know you can trust  
We'll be holding hands once again  
All our broken plans I will mend  
I will hold you tight so you know_

_It is love from the first  
Time I pressed my hand to yours  
Thinking Oh is it love? _

_Dear, its been hardly three days  
And I'm longing to feel your embrace  
There are several days  
Until I can see your sweet face  
Oh say wouldn't you like to be older and married with me?  
Oh say wouldn't you like to know right now that we'll be  
Someday holding hands in the end?  
All our lovely plans will have been  
I will kiss you soft so you know_

_  
It is love from the first  
Time I pressed my lips against yours  
Thinking Oh is it love? _

_Your heart may long for love that is more near  
So when I'm gone these words will be here  
To ease every fear  
And dry up every tear  
And make it very clear  
I kiss you and I know  
It is love from the first  
Time I set my lips against yours  
Thinking Oh is it love?_

_Oh it is love from the first  
Time I pressed my lips against yours  
Thinking Oh is it love?_

_I kiss you and I know  
It is love from the first  
Time I set my lips onto yours  
Thinking Oh is it love? _

* * *

The week passes slowly, but eventually it is Christmas Eve. Addison, Alex, and Deborah all make an appearance at Oceanside's Christmas party and head home. Because of traffic, which seems weird considering it's Christmas Eve and all, they get home at around eleven thirty. Addison and her mother are still awkwardly circling each other, and they try to stay away from each other as much as possible. The second they walk in the door, Deborah announces that she's tired and is going to bed. When she's out of the room Addison concedes that her mother's got the right idea. "Wait," Alex says. "Just stay up 'til midnight."

"Why?" Addison asks warily.

"Because."

"Alex, I'm tired and I want to go to bed. I need a better reason than because."

"Because I've got a present for you."

"And you can't give it to me now?"

He smiles cheekily at her. "It's not Christmas yet."

"So?"

"So you have to reserve presents for Christmas. It's the law."

"There is no such law and you know it."

He rolls his eyes. "Just cooperate for once in your life, will ya?"

"I'll have you know, I'm very cooperative," she replies, "when I want to be."

"Then want to be."

She makes a face, but sits down on the couch, looking expectantly up at him. "I'm waiting," she informs him. He sits down next to her and she nestles into his embrace. They sit quietly, both watching the clock, waiting for midnight. As the hands on the clock hit midnight, Addison turns to Alex, the wait magnifying her curiosity. "It's midnight. What's my present?"

"You're certainly greedy," he says. "It's Christmas, it's about giving, not getting. For that I should make you wait until morning."

"No, please!" she begs. "I'm sorry, I'll be good now."

"Promise?"

"Promise." At her promise he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small wrapped box. Addison holds her breath at the sight of it, hoping she's correct in her guess about the contents. When he hands it over she tears eagerly into the wrapping and gasps when she sees the smaller, blue velvet box inside. She opens that and has nothing to say. She just stares in shock at the ring inside. Finally she manages to say something. "Is this…?"

He nods. "Addie, I don't exactly know how to say this. I mean, I've tried to come up with a whole speech, but everything seems too cheesy, so I'm just going to ask you: marry me?"

"I… um… yes!" she replies, slipping the ring onto her finger, smiling at the way it looks there.

"I know it's small…" he admits.

"It's perfect," she answers. "Nothing could be more perfect."

"Good."

She leans in and kisses him. "Thank you," she says.

"For what?"

"For making my Christmas perfect."

"And thank you," he replies.

"For what?"

"For making my life a whole lot better."

She smiles. "You always know what to say, don't you?" she accuses.

"Pretty much," he concedes.

She laughs. "Now may I go to bed?" He nods his consent. She gets up and starts towards their room. "For what it's worth," she says as she turns back towards him, "It's worth being tired in the morning."

0ooo0

When she wakes up in the morning Addison knows that something is different. It takes her a moment to place what, but when she looks at her hand she remembers all that transpired the night before. She grins, turns to face her fiancé, and finds him awake. "Hi," she says quietly.

"Hi," he replies.

"Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas."

"We're getting married," she reminds him, her grin widening.

"We are," he agrees. She bites her lip, trying to tame her smile, but it's a fruitless effort, and with that smile on her face she leans in and kisses him. "We should probably get up," he says after a moment.

A slight pout plays on her lips, but she gets up anyways. "Yeah, okay." They go into the living room where presents beckon from underneath the tree and Deborah sits on the couch.

"I thought that you'd never get up," she comments.

Addison rolls her eyes. "It's only nine thirty, Mom."

"Is it?"

"Yes." Everything goes silent. "Would you like to open presents or eat first?" Addison inquires.

"Oh, I already had some cereal," Deborah says.

"All right, presents it is."

There's not many gifts, so opening them doesn't take long. Addison and Alex only exchange small gifts, having agreed to not spend too much money on each other (the ring being the only exception, and Addison's actually little annoyed that he broke their rule to get it for her. She didn't want him to spend his money on her). Addison gets her mother a sweater and a card. She hates shopping for Deborah, since Deborah has just about anything she's ever wanted. Deborah gets Addison a gorgeous necklace, a simple diamond on a silver chain. "Mom!" Addison gasps, "This is too much!"

"Nothing's too much for you, dear," Deborah replies in a rare moment of kindness. Of course, she has to go and ruin the moment. "I'm sorry if it outshines your gifts, Alex."

Addison clamps her mouth shut, attempting to stay quiet, but it doesn't work. "Actually, Mom, it doesn't. I mean the necklace is beautiful, and I really do appreciate it, but…"

"Addison, spit it out," Deborah commands.

"Alex and I are getting married, Mom."

Deborah's silent for a minute. "Good for you," she eventually says. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Addison replies.

Then, with a smile that looks like it hurts, Deborah turns to Alex. "Welcome to the family."

"Thanks," he says.

"I think," she announces, "that I'm going to go lie down for awhile."

"Okay, Mom," Addison replies and Deborah leaves the room. "So I think that went as well as I could possibly expect," she tells Alex, moving to sit in his lap before bursting into tears. He just holds her. "Why can't she ever just be happy for me?" she inquires. "Does she really not like me that much?"

"She likes you," he tells her, "she's just screwed up, and she doesn't know how to show you." They sit quietly for awhile. "You should probably talk to her," he says.

She sighs. "You're probably right." More silence. "Okay, I'm going to go now," she announces and walks into the guest room. Deborah is lying with her eyes closed. "Mom?" she asks quietly.

"What, dear?"

"Do you think… Is it possible… Can we talk?"

Deborah sits up. "Of course."

"It's just… I… Why are you so dead set against Alex?"

Deborah sighs. "I'm not."

"Oh, so being rude and annoying is just your way of showing affection."

"No. He seems nice enough, and you do seem happy-"

"I _am _happy," Addison interrupts.

"And that's good, but it's just that… you know I don't condone divorce."

Addison sighs at the old argument. "Mom, Derek was a mistake, an eleven year mistake. Yeah, we were happy for awhile, but he and I, we just weren't meant to be. Besides, he's got Meredith now, and I'm really happy that he's found someone, who makes him as happy as Alex makes me. I know that you don't believe in divorce, and believe me, if twelve years ago I could have known that I would have ended up divorced, then I never would have gotten married. But I didn't know, and I did get married, and I wouldn't change that. Because he was such a big part of my life, but he's not anymore. He's got Meredith, who is a really decent person, and I have Alex, and I love him, and that's not going to change. So, honestly, you just really need to accept the fact, because I would really like you to be at my wedding, and I would prefer it if you weren't scowling and chained up through the entire ceremony."

For the first time in days, Deborah smiles. "Okay."

Addison's taken aback. "Okay?"

"I'm not happy about the divorce, and I never will be, but Alex makes you happy, and that's all that really matters, I suppose. But if you end up divorced _again_…" She smiles to let Addison know she's joking.

Addison laughs. "I don't think I will be. This one feels permanent."

"Didn't it feel like that when you married Derek. And look how that-"

"_Mom_," Addison interrupts. "The criticizing thing has got to stop, okay? I hate it, and it just pisses me off, so please, just stop."

"Sorry," Deborah apologizes. "I never realized that it hurts you so badly, I just want you to be the best that you can be."

"And I am, without you ruining my self-esteem."

"Again, I'm sorry," Deborah says. After a considerable amount of silence, she asks, "How come we've never talked like this?"

"Because you were too busy criticizing me to listen to a thing I said."

Deborah winces. "Am I really that terrible?"

"Mom, no offense, but you've been a bitch to me for the past year and a half. And before that, you were always too busy to even pay attention to me. That's why we've never talked."

"Well, I'm glad we did. It's nice."

"Yeah," Addison agrees, blinking back tears. "It is."

"Oh, don't cry, Addie," her mom says, and actually draws Addison into a hug. "It's okay."

"I know. It's just… I missed having a mom."

Deborah sighs. "I know. I know." They sit in silence for a moment, embracing each other. "So this Alex," she starts. "He'll take care of you properly, right? I don't have to worry about him hurting you?"

"He's pretty perfect, Mom, you don't have to worry."

"Good. In that case, am I ever going to get grandchildren?" 

* * *

**AAAAAAARGH! the mother/daughter sap! sometimes, i really really hate my fingers and/or brain for making me type such corny... blah. oh well.**

**so i know that i've been gone from this story for so long, you must have missed me asking for reviews, right? yeah, i thought so. so to appease you: reviews?**

**-Juli-**


	14. Lullaby

**a/n: wow, guys, if you're still reading this... i am very impressed. i am soooo sorry about the delay, but my muse was gone and then i started the hell known as junior year. the only reason that you're getting this now is because i have a day off and a term paper outline to write, but i'm procrastinating.**

**disclaimer: although it's been months, i'm not anywhere closer to grey's possession.**

_**Lullaby**_

_**Dixie Chicks**_

_They didn't have you were I come from_

_Never knew the best was yet to come_

_Life began when I saw your face_

_And I hear your laugh like a serenade_

_How long do you wanna be loved?_

_Is forever enough, is forever enough?_

_How long do you wanna be loved?_

_Is forever enough, cuz I'm never, never giving you up_

_I slip in bed when you're asleep_

_To hold you close and feel your breath on me_

_Tomorrow there'll be so much to do_

_So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you_

_How long do you wanna be loved?_

_Is forever enough, is forever enough?_

_How long do you wanna be loved?_

_Is forever enough, cuz I'm never, never giving you up_

_As you wander through this troubled world_

_In search of all things beautiful_

_You can close your eyes when your miles away_

_And hear my voice like a serenade_

_How long do you wanna be loved?_

_Is forever enough, is forever enough?_

_How long do you wanna be loved?_

_Is forever enough, cuz I'm never, never giving you up_

* * *

"So I've got a question," Addison announces as she and Alex sit at the table eating dinner. Deborah went home a week ago, and while she and Addison are on much better terms, Addison has to admit she's rather glad her mother's gone.

"What?"

"I… just… do you want Meredith to come? Because I was thinking about invitations and guest lists and I didn't know if you wanted her to come, but I assumed you did, except I didn't know for sure, and-" she babbles.

"You're rambling, Adds."

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Anyways, if you don't care, I want her there, but if it's awkward for you, then you don't have to invite her."

"It's not awkward. At least I don't think it is. Or will be. Whatever. I'll just send an invitation to her, and then one to Derek, even though I assume they'll come together."

"Okay."

"That's all you have to say? Just okay?" she asks, with a just a hint of obvious annoyance.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Something other than okay! That's all I get whenever I ask you about the wedding! I want you to have some input!" Addison snaps.

"Addie, you're stressed and obviously not in control of your actions right now-"

"I'm perfectly in control of my actions!" she interrupts.

"And _that_," he talks over her, "is why I'm not going to get angry at you."

"Stop patronizing me."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are! Quit talking to me like I'm completely insane! I don't like it and… this is really stupid, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'm going to stop now."

"Good."

Addison rolls her eyes. "You're a jerk, you know that, right?"

"Yep."

"Good, so long as we're on the same page."

"We are." After a minute of silence, he says, "You're going to get this all figured out, Adds. Don't stress over it."

"Can we just go to Vegas?" she asks.

"No," he replies.

"_You _want a big wedding?" she asks skeptically.

"No. But I know you do. And I know that if we go to Vegas, you'll hate me forever, so no."

She sighs. "You're right."

"Of course I am."

She laughs. "Jerk."

0ooo0

Alex and Addison sit at their wedding reception, while everyone comes up to congratulate them. Addison smiles at Izzie, Meredith, and Cristina as they offer their congratulations. When they're gone, she turns to her husband. "We need to talk."

He looks back at her and smiles. "You sound serious, Mrs. Karev. What's up?"

"I love you," she says.

"I love you too, but what's going on?"

She takes a big breath. "Okay, so I know it's soon, like really soon. Like really, really soon. Like far, far, far too soon…"

"Addie, rambling," he interrupts.

"I'm pregnant, Alex."

**so i was thinking of just leaving it off here, but if i get enough reviews, i might be persuaded to write another chapter. you might not get it until january, but it will come if you want it.**

**-Juli-**


	15. I Remember

**that's right. i'm back before january! the only reason that you're getting this, by the way, is because i have a term paper due next monday and i am SUCH a procrastinator.**

**anyways, i hope you like the chapter. i do.**

**oh and the song is completely worth checking out, just so you know.**

**P.S. i own none of this.**

_**I Remember**_

_**by Whitley**_

_I remember when I saw you,_

_You were dancing, you were dancing_

_I followed you to the next bar_

_It was a long drive it was a long drive_

_I did not mind, you were taken by me_

_We felt something, we felt something_

_Lately I've been feeling like this could last forever_

_This could last forever_

_I remember the black sky streaking_

_It was so cold, it was so cold_

_You held my hand and said you loved me_

_I felt something, I felt something_

_It was a long time, it was a long time_

_I did not mind, I was taken by you_

_I felt something, I felt something_

_Lately I've been feeling like this could last forever_

_This could last forever_

* * *

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Naomi questions Addison.

Addison turns to look at her friend. "No," she answers honestly. She returns to strapping her nearly two year old daughter, Grace, into her car seat. "But Alex needs this. He needs to be around his family or he'll freak out. This will be good for him"

"So you're just going to ditch everything down here because he's a little weirded out by the whole thing?"

Addison turns around and says simply, "Nay, I need him."

"Still…"

"Look," Addison butts in, "I know that one some level, you must get this, because I know that you and Sam had this at some time, but where he goes, I go. I need him, Grace needs him. And he needs us. It's just… it's time."

"Mama! Car!" Grace exclaims from her car seat.

Addison back around to look at her daughter. "That's right, Gracie, car."

Naomi crosses her arms. "I still don't get it," she announces.

"I know," Addison replies. "I don't expect you to. It's okay. I just expect you to accept it."

"I don't think I like it."

"That's fine; just don't be mad, okay?"

"I'm not mad," Naomi concedes.

"Thank you."

"Ready to go, babe?" Alex asks as he walks out of the house.

"Nothing left?" Addison asks back.

"Nope."

Addison takes a deep breath. "Yep." Then she turns to her friend. "I'll call you when we get to the state line."

"You better," Naomi replies as she gives Addison a hug. "And tell Derek that I still think Meredith is screwing around, because Chris is far too smart to be his son."

Addison laughs. "Will do."

"Promise?"

"Pinky swear. Tell everybody that I'll talk to them soon."

"I will. I'll miss you, Addie."

Addison smiles and hugs her friend. "I'll miss you too," she tells her.

Alex waits politely until they're finished and then asks, "Ready?"

Naomi glances over at him. "What? You think you're getting away without giving me a hug? You are sorely mistaken, my friend. Get over here," she demands.

He laughs and does as he's told. "We'll see you, Nay," he tells her.

"Yeah, yeah," Naomi replies, pushing past him to get to the car. "Bye, Gracie," she says, hugging the toddler.

"Nay, come?" Grace asks, innocently making eye contact with her favorite person aside from her parents.

Naomi holds back a couple tears. "No, Gracie, Nay's not coming," she tells.

"Vi? Coop?" Grace questions. Naomi shakes her head. "No," Grace says, shaking her head too.

Naomi turns back to Addison and Alex. "Your daughter's making me cry. That means it's time to go."

Addison smiles and hugs her friend again. "Thank you," she whispers. "So much."

"Right," Naomi replies, and separates herself. "Okay, you'd really better get on the road."

"Bye Nay."

"Bye Adds." Once Naomi and Addison have finished their goodbyes, Addison climbs into the car with her husband and daughter. She turns around and waves goodbye through the rear window until Naomi is out of sight.

0ooo0

By the time they reach Seattle, Addison is extremely happy that they sent most of their things ahead of them, because if that car had been any tighter, she would not have been liable for any of her actions.

They pull into the house that they had bought in preparation for this day. "We're here," Addison says turning to her husband.

"Really?" he asks sarcastically.

"Okay, no need to get snarky," she replies and gets out of the car. He does the same, quickly walking around the car to reach her before she reaches the back door. He grabs the hand that is going out to open Grace's door and uses it to pull her into a hug.

"We're here," he tells her hair.

She looks up at him. "Oh, so it's okay for you to say that, but not me?"

"Addie," he says. "Can we not fight just once?"

She rolls her eyes and pulls herself from his grasp as she sighs, "Fine."

"Addie," he groans.

"What?" she snaps, and turns to open the door.

He grabs her, turns her around again, and kisses her hard. For one millisecond, she resists, but quite frankly, she really just doesn't have the ability to resist him, so she kisses him back, her arms winding around his neck as the kiss turns gentler. His hand cups her face as he whispers, "I love you."

"I love you too," she replies. "But you have got to let me get our daughter out of the car."

He laughs and lets her do so while he gets bags out of the car.

They walk up the walk together, and Alex unlocks the door. Addison nearly drops Grace when at least ten voices yell, "Welcome home!" Fortunately, she does not do so.

Izzie steps out of the crowd of people gathered in what will be their living room, once it's fully furnished anyways. "Hey!" she exclaims. "Oh my God, look at how big Gracie's gotten!" She takes Grace from her mother.

"What are you all doing here?"

"Obviously it's a welcome home party," Callie says as she steps forward. "Or did you not get that from everybody shouting welcome home?"

Addison shoots her a look, but then continues. "How did you… there's no cars outside."

"They're all around the corner at our house," Meredith answers, toting a three year old boy.

"Hey, Addie," Derek greets her as he goes to peck her on the cheek. Alex sees this, and puts his arm around his wife's waist, not distinctly protectively, but a little territorially. He's not a particularly jealous husband, he trusts Addison implicitly, but Derek just tends to bring out that little bit of jealously that he does have. Probably because if Addison had made one different choice, Alex would not be the one standing next to her now.

Addison leans into his arms. She knows that his embrace is mostly due to not particularly pure reasons, but that doesn't mean that she can't take advantage of it. "Hey," she greets her ex-husband. "It's been awhile."

This is a true statement. Even when she and Alex brought Grace up for a visit while they looked for houses, she and Derek had kind of avoided each other by mutual agreement. It was weird then. For some reason, the extra couple months have made a difference; it's not so awkward now.

He's semi-shoved away as other guests file up to say hello and welcome back. Richard and Adele are one of the last. Richard smiles and hugs Addison, as does Adele. Adele does the same to Alex, but Richard shakes his hand. "Looks like you've been taking care of my girls," he says to him.

"He has," Addison replies, smiling at her husband.

"Good," Richard says. "Keep it up. That's my granddaughter, you know."

Addison laughs. "You wish, Richard. I think my mother would have a stroke if she heard you say that. She's not too keen on sharing Gracie."

"Where is she, by the way?" Adele asks. "I saw Izzie take her, but then I lost sight of her. I have to go see her, she's getting so big!"

"She should still be with Izzie," Addison replies. "Unless she's been handed off to someone else."

"Really, Adds?" Alex says sarcastically,

"Okay, that's enough from you, smart ass," Addison replies, kissing him. "You can just stop being so annoying. We have company."

She goes to turn back to Richard and Adele, but he kisses her again and she doesn't. Richard and Adele discreetly move away.

"I still can't believe you're married," a voice that can only be Cristina's says to Alex.

He pulls away and looks at his "friend". "Same to you," he scoffs.

"I make more sense than you."

"You wish," Alex retorts.

"Evil Spawn."

"Robot."

Cristina's face is suddenly lit up by a smile. "I missed you," she says.

Alex laughs. "You too, Yang, you too."

"Where is Burke, anyways?" Addison asks.

"He'll be here later," Cristina explains. "His surgery had some complications."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Addie!" Mark exclaims and pulls her into a hug.

"Um, hi Mark," she says into his chest.

"You're back," he says.

"No," Addison replies. "I'm not. You're hallucinating."

He laughs. "I've missed you." Then he looks at Alex. "Dr. Karev," he greets him.

"Sloan."

"It's good to see you back."

"You too."

Addison shoos him along and then turns to her husband. "Let's go find Gracie and hide."

"What?"

"I am so tired of small talk right now. Let's go find Gracie and hide."

He laughs, but then sees that she's actually serious. "Okay."

She sends him to go find their daughter while she finishes talking to those who have basically queued up to talk to her. Then she makes her getaway and practically runs up the stairs. She finds her family in the master bedroom. Alex is making a fort out of the pillows of the couch and some blankets. Grace looks at her mother and exclaims. "Fort, Mommy!"

Alex looks up and smiles sheepishly. "You did say that you wanted to hide."

Addison laughs. "I did." She gets down on all fours, and crawls into the fort. "Come on, Gracie!" she exclaims. Her daughter joins her, then her husband. "I can't believe you made this thing big enough for all three of us."

"It's a gift."

She laughs and scoots closer to him, not that it's a particularly far distance. She leans into him and they watch as their daughter manages to invent a cave with treasures and dragons and Lord only knows what else. Something in the kingdom makes her laugh wildly, and Addison whispers, "Shh, Gracie. We have to be quiet, okay? We don't want anyone to know we're in here."

Grace nods and mimics the way her mother put her finger to her mouth. "Shh."

Addison lays her head down on Alex's shoulder as they continue to watch Grace. Every once in awhile, he'll kiss the top of her head and she'll smile.

As she looks around at the hodgepodge of pillows and blankets that make up their fort, she realizes that this is her idea of perfect. If you had told her three years ago that today she would be hiding in forts made by Alex Karev with their daughter, she would have laughed in your face and probably told you to consider a consult with psych. But that's what she's doing, and if you told her right now that she should be doing something else, she's probably punch you. It's best if you just let her figure her life out on her own. She seems to have it down pretty good now. After all, she's reached Gracie's favorite part of stories…

And they all lived happily ever after.

**so that's it. le fin. for realsies. and so for the last time before we bid the story adieu... how bout pressing that lovely little purpley button over there in the corner. i know you know you want to!**

**-Juli-**


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